Fallen Angel
by My Written Words
Summary: Edward Cullen learns that one night in a dark alley can end the life he once knew and leave him a monster with a hunger he can't understand, fighting to protect the ones he loves, not just from the dark creatures never too far behind, but also from himself. Cannon Couples, AU, and adult themes.
1. In Medias Res

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note:** This is a story I've had in my head for a very long time. This isn't the first time I've attempted to write this, but it _is_ the first time I've posted it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing this. I have just a few warnings before we begin. First off, these vampires are mine, and not the ones you're all probably used to. Second, this story isn't a gentle walk in the park. It gets pretty fucking angsty, don't be fooled by the slightly cheery first chapter. [**Edit: **The first chapter was over 8,000 words, so I split in half.]

Chapter Song: Everyday is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch Nails

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**Chapter 1: In Medias Res**

I saw the world before me appear from behind tired eyelids. Taking a quick glance at my alarm clock alerted me that I had had another four hours night sleep. Being only five in the morning, I was utterly aware of the fact that I had two hours to get ready for school. Heaving a sigh, I removed myself from the mess of the covers tangled around me. I dragged my feet to the bathroom, feeling every bone in my body. With a drawn out yawn, my arms moved to strip myself as if on impulse. My mind seemed to be turning into an undefined mush. My hands were quick to turn on the faucet, but my body lingered outside of the shower stall, staring at my oversized bathroom with glassy eyes. I supposed some people would consider me lucky. I was, like my other two siblings, adopted by two very great people, people who were my late parents' oldest friends. But all of this, the glass, walk-in shower, the expensive black marble floor, the light teal walls, and the oversized counter with the squared off sink, was just excess. I didn't feel lucky, I didn't feel blessed, I felt…uneasy. As if this fortune was merely an apology for the shitty childhood I had endured. My feet kicked aside my discarded clothes lying in a clump on the floor and stepped into the wall of steam. Hot showers were one of the things I lived for. I went through the motions of cleaning myself with care, purposely wasting time. I hated waiting. Being as impatient as I am, extra time was a serious aggravation. And so, with this thought lingering in my head, I grabbed my straightedge and shaving cream, smearing it across my face. I looked into the foggy mirror, quickly whipping the hand that wasn't covered in shaving cream across it to defog the glass. Line after line I swept the razor over my skin. I had requested of Esme to put this mirror in the shower for me. I loathed sink shaving. It left a mess I wasn't always so willing to clean, especially with a straightedge razor. I cleaned my face off once I was finished, smiling slightly at the much younger face looking back at me. Bella would be pleased. She had been begging me to get rid of my stubble for the last week.

I quickly finished in the shower, taking extra time to rinse everything off. I grabbed the deep blue towel off its wrack and wrapped it tightly around my hips, letting the left over water on my body slide into the soft cloth. Padding my way out of the bathroom and to my closet, I let my mind wander again. My social studies, advanced calculus, _and_ my American Literature tests were all today, explaining my late nights. A sigh slipped through my tense mouth. I understood the purpose of good grades, of course, but I hated not having any time to myself, or to my girlfriend of two years. I felt bad about that. I had to make it up to her somehow, and with a terrifying lurch of my body, I realized it was her birthday. She was 17 today and I hadn't bought her a thing. My heart started to thump loudly in my chest. Irrationally, I wondered if I would have enough time to go out and buy her something before school started. I found myself rushing to pull on a pair of jeans and white tee before my sleep deprived mind finally clicked into gear. Newman's flower shop was open at 6 and Alice…yes, this was all coming together quite nicely. I threw on a black button down shirt, pulled on an old pair of black high-top Chucks, and spent a good fifteen minutes trying to find my Carhartt, before realizing I had hung it up downstairs. Grabbing my cell phone, I checked the time. It was only 5:45, leaving me with plenty of time to work my plan out. My legs pulled me agilely down the two sets of stairs and into the front hall of my adoptive parents' mansion. I grabbed my coat and the keys to my Volvo and hurried into the cavernous garage.

It only took me ten minutes to get to Newman's and I even had to wait outside until the tired looking woman pulled up in her old champagne colored Camry. She was old, white haired, and wore a long floral dress that covered up an aging body. Not wanting to startle the poor woman, I waited outside for a few moments to let her get situated. I took my time in the store, trying to find a bouquet that I thought Bella would like. I knew she like daisies. She spent a lot of her time when we were children picking them. I remembered her fondly, putting them into her long brown hair and commanding me to call her a princess. With a smile, I grabbed the biggest one they had. It was a variation of stained daisies with every color of the rainbow. I was nervous after I paid that she wouldn't like them. Bella wasn't always the easiest to buy presents for. I sighed, resigned to whatever fate these flowers would give me and set them delicately into the front seat of my car.

I pulled my car into the garage, right next to my father's black Mercedes. I was hoping that Alice would be awake. I was answered quickly when I opened the door that led to the huge, shiny kitchen. There, crowded around the island bar, was my entire family. Alice and Emmett were arguing about something and Esme was handing them their breakfast with disapproving eyes. My father was seated at the end closest to me, drinking a cup of coffee out of a mug with a family portrait of us stamped on it like a blurry porcelain photo, and was reading over some patient's file with a creased forehead. At my entrance, they all turned to look at me. Alice rolled her eyes and Emmett gave me a fleeting smile. Carlisle, after noticing it was his son and not an intruder, turned his face back to his work. Esme, on the other hand, turned her disapproving glare from her two other children onto me.

"So nice of you to join us," she said. Her eyes were tight and her mouth was set into a worried little frown. "Where have you been?"

"Newman's." I said this at the time Alice muttered, "He forgot Bella's birthday."

My throat felt a little dry at her comment, but I always knew to count on Alice knowing things she shouldn't.

"Oh, Edward," Esme said, "Well, at least you got her something. Here, eat some breakfast. You look hungry…and tired." Her gentle hands were holding my face as I sat down at the island. I shrugged out of her hands as politely as I could. I didn't enjoy making her worry.

"I'm fine, Esme." I dug into my plate of eggs and bacon, and looked over at my sister who was eating Lucky Charms. I would never understand how she could give up bacon just to save a few helpless animals. "Hey, Alice," I started, purposely taking a large bite of my protein filled breakfast as soon as she looked at me. Her expression soured right away. "I was wondering if you could distract Bella this afternoon so I could go to Port Angeles and grab her something."

She looked at the ceiling with obvious irritation. "Lucky for you, _Edward_, I was planning on going to her house after school to help her pick out her outfit for the party tonight. But believe me; it's not for your benefit."

"Perfect. Don't say anything to her or I'll skin you alive." I knew better than to ask about the party in front of our unsuspecting parents.

Carlisle came alive then; the only word he seemed to hear was party. "What party?"

I was careful to keep my eyes on the food I was eating, letting Alice answer. "Oh, it's nothing, Carlisle. We're just going out to Port Angeles with a couple of our friends to see a movie and then go have dinner afterwards." Alice flashed him a smile. She was a tiny 4 feet and 10 inches and looked like a little pixy with her short black hair, spiked in organized disarray. Usually, Carlisle was putty in her tiny hands, but not today, apparently.

"You think I'm falling for that?" He asked, offended. I knew what the problem was. Alice was like a happy little Christmas elf. She was trusting and delicate and only 17. So, when she started to see the 21 year old James, everyone in this family was on edge, even happy-go-lucky Emmett. All of our minds seemed to be in the same place. Alice was instantly on edge, realizing what this was really about. Carlisle wasted no time in getting to the point, "Is James going to this _party_?"

"Carlisle, I'm almost an adult. You can't force me to not see him. I love him!" My sister never looked or sounded more like a child.

"Exactly! You are _almost_ an adult, Alice. But, never once have I told you who you can and cannot be involved with. I'm allowed to worry about you, aren't I?" Carlisle's face softened, and he became unusually emotional, "I know I'm not your real father. I will never pretend to be, but I love you like you're my own. I just want the best for you and for all my children." I saw Esme out of the corner of my eye hiding a tearful smile behind a dish that needed washing. I looked at Carlisle quickly, not wanting him to see how much his words had touched me. Alice seemed to be doing the same thing. Her eyes dropped and she went back to eating her cereal in silence.

Eventually, she managed to collect herself, her eyes returning to the man who raised her since she was four. "I love you, too, you know. We'll be careful, tonight. I promise."

That was the end of the conversation, and I noticed that Emmett had been quite the entire time. This was quite out of character for my brother. I had almost forgotten he was here. I glanced up at him and saw that he was pushing his food around his plate, not really eating. I was confused again; he was being really strange today.

The three of us headed to my Volvo in silence. It wasn't until we were speeding down the road that I finally turned to my brother sitting in the passenger's seat next to me. "Hey, uh, Em? Are you okay today?"

He pursed his lips, seemingly debating on whether to answer or not. Eventually, he muttered, "I just got a bad feeling. About tonight, I mean. You ever get one of those?"

Alice answered for me. "_Yes_. Don't worry though it's probably nothing."

He smiled a little at her, "Okay."

"So, what _is_ going on tonight?" I asked.

"We're going to a bar. James is sneaking us in. He works as a bouncer," Alice was happily bouncing in the back seat.

I clenched my teeth. Of course James was involved.

* * *

I sat down at lunch feeling a thousand times less stressed out. All three of my tests were taken. Bella was already there, her faced stuffed into the daisies I had bought for her. She smiled exuberantly as I sat.

"I can't thank you enough for these, Edward. They're beautiful," Bella said. Her large brown eyes were almost glowing.

"You're very welcome, my love." I leaned in and kissed her strawberry scented hair.

Alice leaned on the table, her tiny fingers clasped together with excitement. "So, birthday girl, are you excited for tonight."

"I probably would be if I knew what was going on." Bella's eyebrows lowered slightly.

I laughed at her, "Trust me, you'll like it."

The rest of the school day passed uneventfully. My advanced chemistry class and gym passed in a blur, mainly because of Bella's presence in both subjects. Gym was hilarious, as usual. My girlfriend was talented in many things, but athletics was not one of them. She stumbled around and even managed to accidently throw a basketball into Mike Newton's nuts. Had I not known her sense of aim better, I would have thought she did it on purpose for all the times he followed her like a puppy in heat.

At the end of the day, I kissed Bella goodbye. She still seemed a little mad at me for laughing at her earlier, but she was as enthusiastic as usual when we kissed. Her hands tangled in my overgrown hair, and she pushed her body against me, her hips scraping against mine in ways that drove me insane. I broke away before things got out of hand in our school parking lot.

"Can I have my other present now?" she asked impatiently.

I laughed at her pouting lip, and ran my finger across it as I spoke. "Be patient, baby."

"Right, because you, of all people, are so patient." Her eyes narrowed accusingly. My accompanying smile was only a tiny bit worried. I still didn't even know what I was getting her. The sick, nervous feeling had returned to my stomach as I thought about this. Fortunately, for me, she didn't seem to notice. "So, I'll see you tonight?"

"Seven o'clock sharp. You're meeting at my house anyway," I said, grateful for the change in subject.

"Oh, yeah."

After one last kiss between us, Emmett and I left in the Volvo and Bella and Alice left in her old Chevy truck, just as Alice promised. Emmett seemed to be in a better mood than this morning.

"So, Edward, did you figure out what you're getting her yet?" he asked.

"Not yet, man."

"Well, actually I was hoping to hitch a ride. If I help you, will you buy me dinner?" he asked.

I laughed at him. "Anything for free food, huh, dude?"

He rolled his eyes, "I actually wanted to pick up the new WWE game, the 2014 one. It looks sick."

"Ah. The truth comes out." I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I handed him the pack. "Want one?"

"What are you a rebel now? You're supposed to be the good one." He took one, regardless of his words. Emmett had been smoking since he was sixteen.

"What can I say? They help me think." I muttered. I only started a month ago out of pure curiosity. Emmett was a year older than my seventeen years, so he could buy them for me. "You tell the folks, and I'm breaking that WWE game."

"Hey, man. We're in this together. Does Bella know?" His voice was slightly muffled by the smoke.

"Are you kidding? She smelled it on me during the first week." She hadn't been very happy, but in a weird way, I think she liked it. She said something about my bad boy side being hot. I had rolled my eyes at her, but I was happy she wasn't too upset about it. I enjoyed smoking a little more than I should. Emmett laughed at that. The rest of the hour long drive passed quickly and we got there by 3:30. Foregoing his promise, Emmett went off on his own to the GameStop in the little strip mall. I ventured father into the city, looking into the windows of all sorts of different stores. I winded up outside a very small jewelry store. I wondered if it would be too much to buy her something that expensive. I was always very wealthy, even before my parents died. Being their only son, I inherited their entire fortune. Of course, I didn't have access to it until my next birthday. I didn't really need it though. Carlisle and Esme had more money than they knew what to do with. Carlisle was a well known surgeon in Seattle where he practiced, and before that he had his own fortune passed down to him from his father who was also a doctor. Bella, on the other hand, never had much money. Her father, Charlie Swan was the police chief of Forks, Washington, the little town we lived in. Bella didn't even know her mother. She left the two of them when Bella was only a baby. The Chief didn't exactly break banks with his paychecks and I think it made Bella a little uncomfortable knowing that I had so much money.

I figured that if I got her something on the less expensive side she would be more accepting of whatever I got her. With that thought I decided against the jewelry store, wandering farther down the road, still looking. I knew she loved to cook, but I didn't really want to get her kitchen supplies. That would be kind of lame. She also liked music, but I wanted to get her something more than a CD. Then it hit me. I could get her a turntable. I remembered that she loved the vinyl collection I had. Feeling satisfied, I wandered back to the small music store I had passed a little ways back. I found one that looked suitable for her. It was black with a clear case and it came with a diamond tip needle which was a plus. I grabbed her some of her favorite albums too, because, after all, what's a record player without records?

I dropped my things off at the car and sent a text to Emmett letting him know I was done with my shopping. He responded saying that he was already waiting for me at McDonalds. I chuckled and headed that way.

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We made it back to Forks only a few minutes before Alice and Bella arrived and I had to scramble to put all of the things I had bought her in the oversized gift bag I managed to find, stuffing wrapping paper in around it. I heard the thunderous rumbling of Bella's old Chevy coming from the driveway and I hurried to throw away all of the extra scraps. Alice walked through the door first, her eyes meeting mine questioningly, clearly wondering about the gift situation. I nodded my head quickly, in response. Bella walked in next. She was wearing a tight, dark blue dress with long sleeves. It came just below her ass and I couldn't help but stare at her. She was stunning. Bella hardly wore makeup, and quite frankly, she didn't need to, but today she was all dolled up. I was no expert on makeup by any standards, but her eyes were darker and her lips were this pretty shade of pink. I wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid of messing it all up. She sauntered over to me and I could tell that she felt sexy. Just the way she was carrying herself was a thousand times more confident. Her small arms wrapped around me and she buried her head in my chest. I kissed her hair gently, afraid of messing that up too.

"Are you ready for your present?" I whispered.

She looked up at me, excited. "I can finally have it now?"

I laughed at her, and touched the tip of her nose. "Yes." I grabbed the large silver bag and handed it to her. Her eyes lit up at the size of it and took it from me happily. I watched her move to sit on the large white sectional and place her present on the glass coffee table, holding my breath. I really hoped she liked it. It only took her a few seconds to pull all of the tissue paper off and pull out the box that held the turntable. She took one glance at the large picture printed on the top and nearly dropped it in her shock.

"Oh my god. Edward! Oh my _god_!" Her eyes were wide and she eagerly dug into the bag for the three albums. I chuckled, relieved. I saw Alice smile at me, widely. Emmett came sprinting down the stairs loudly, wanting to see her open her presents. He smiled at her excitement like I did and walked over to her.

"Hey, Bella! Nice, Edward. Good sav-_job_." He quickly corrected himself before getting me in trouble and plopped himself on the couch. I was grateful for the catch. Emmett handed Bella a small, badly wrapped gift. It was awkwardly shaped and I wondered what it was. Bella seemed confused too, but she sent him a quick thanks and opened the odd present. It was a hot pink shot glass that had the word 'Princess' scrawled across it in black cursive. I laughed, as did Bella.

"This is great, Emmett! Thanks." She hugged him, her tiny arms not even reaching the entire way around his huge frame. His eyes sparkled at her praise and he ruffled her hair. Alice almost growled at him for that one. She turned to me then.

"Okay," she said, "Everyone else is meeting us there at eight, and it's almost seven now. We should get going."

I nodded my head, "So, who's driving home?" Considering we were going to a bar, I had a feeling no one would be safe to drive.

"Um," she hesitated, biting her lip.

"Oh, come on, Alice! I'm not letting _him_ drive my car!"

"Would you rather yourself driving it home and getting in an accident or getting pulled over? Please, Edward. He's not going to drink," she begged.

I sighed, and agreed grudgingly. I didn't like the idea of Alice's shitty boyfriend _touching_ my car, let alone driving it. But, I did it for Bella. I wanted her to have fun on her birthday without having to worry about anything. We left, and I grabbed Bella's things so she would have them for when she got home tonight. Emmett called shotgun and climbed in next to me. Alice started handing out fake IDs once we were safely out of the town limits. I looked at her questioningly.

"I thought you said…."

She cut me off, "Just in case." Her smile was bright. "I like to keep all my bases covered."

I chuckled, saying, "You think of everything, don't you?"

"I try my best."

"Why do we need these?" Bella was studying her fake ID with growing excitement.

"We'll be there in a half hour. Be patient!" Alice scolded her. Bella grumbled to herself in response. Alice was right though, we would be there in no more than thirty minutes. The road rushed underneath my accelerating car and the center yellow line seemed to stretch on endlessly. I heard the chatting of the girls behind me, the music playing softly in the background, the shuffling of my brother as he pulled out his iPod, and all of it made a slight bubble of panic build in my throat, as if this would be the last time I would be with them like this. I briefly regretted not waiting until my parents returned so I could hug them goodbye. _Where did that come from? _I wondered briefly. I shook my head, willing the unease from my system. During my mental cleanse, I remembered the look on Emmett's face this morning and the sound of his distraught voice, _"I just got a bad feeling. About tonight, I mean."_ I wondered if he was still feeling that way and chanced a glance at him. His eyes were down on his device, but after sensing my glance, he looked up at me, smiling. After a quick second, he seemed to see something in my face.

"You okay, dude?" His smile fell.

"Yeah…I just –"

"Edward, look out!" Alice screamed.

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**A/N**: Hope you liked it. Reviews are happily accepted, even criticism.


	2. Bitten

**Disclaimer: I own no part of the Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note: **Hey, so as stated in the previous chapter, I decided the first chapter was just too long, so I cut it in half. Sorry if I made any of the people on this story's alert list think this was a new chapter. Please don't hate me because I'm writing the next chapter now. Which brings me to my next point; I'm going to try to post a new chapter every Tuesday at the latest so stay tuned for that. For any newcomers, this won't make much of a difference to you.

Chapter Song: Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails

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**Chapter 2: Bitten**

I saw the deer in front of my headlights and slammed hard on the breaks, and cut the wheel. It happened very quickly, the opposite of what's usually portrayed in the movies when something like this happens. I saw a blur of tan outside of the windshield, heard Bella scream, felt myself slam hard against the steering wheel as the car attempted to stop, smelled the thick, bitter smell of burning rubber, and tasted blood. And then it was over. I opened my eyes then – I hadn't even realized I'd shut them, and squinted into the rainy darkness outside windshield. All was quiet in the car, it seemed everyone was too scared to even breathe, myself included. I found what I was looking for quickly, the deer stood in the middle of the road, frozen. After a small eternity, the small doe sprinted off into the woods away from us. Our car had ended up on the shoulder, facing the wrong direction, but we were, for all intents and purposes, fine. I exhaled deeply. Everyone seemed to come alive at this point. I pulled out a cigarette with shaking hands. "Is everyone okay?" I asked, my voice trembling. My tongue was sore and bleeding, I realized, as I ran it across my teeth. I had bitten the side of it. I looked at everyone, after no one answered. They all nodded silently with a strange mixture of fear and relief in each of their faces. I looked at Bella's face the longest and I watched hers transform. The fear began to melt away and was replaced with something I didn't quite recognize. She touched my face gently.

"Are you?" Her voice was a whisper, but both of my siblings turned to look at me with the same odd expression. With a start, I realized it looked something like pity. It was then that I realized I was shaking, not just my hands, but my whole body. I felt cold, as if all the blood had left me. Something very similar to déjà vu was nagging at the back of my head, but I fought it back instead focusing on the pain in my chest from where I had smashed against the steering wheel, the sting in my mouth where I had bitten my tongue, the soreness in my hands from gripping the steering wheel too tightly, the ache in my head from the shock of a near death experience. I focused on anything but that monster lingering in my mind. It didn't matter now; everything was right where it belonged. My girlfriend, my sister, my brother, they were all safe. With both a mental and physical shake, Bella released me and I lit the cigarette still held tightly between my fingers.

I cleared my throat, hyper aware of the three sets of eyes still trained tightly on my white face. "We have a party to get to." I spun the car around and started back onto the black road. Eventually, my loved ones went back to their own business one by one – Emmett with his iPod, Alice with her phone, and eventually Bella, turning her eyes to the wall of water outside her window. We got to Port Angeles shortly after the incident with no conversation; the only noises were the stereo, the quiet hum of the engine, and the windshield wipers washing away the ever present rain. Once we arrived at the bar, the excitement started to pick up again. I recognized Tyler Crowley and his van as well as Jessica Stanly, Lauren Mallory, Angela Weber, Mike Newton, and Jacob Black from the Native American reservation neighboring Forks.

"Who invited Newton?" I hissed. Bella made a gagging sound from the back seat.

"Not me," Alice muttered, looking upset.

"I may have let it slip at lunch." Emmett looked like a little boy with his hand caught in a cookie jar.

"When did you ever talk to _Mike Newton_ at lunch?" My voice was slightly harsher than I intended.

"I don't know; he sits with us sometimes, you know, when Jessica does."

"It's okay, I had a feeling he'd be showing up. I made him an ID and everything," Alice smiled, holding the rectangular plastic up for our scrutiny.

"Why!? You could have just told him you didn't know he was coming!" Bella gasped.

"I had another feeling he'd be more trouble if we didn't let him join." Alice shrugged, unconcerned with her best friend's icy tone.

We got out of the car and headed over to meet our other friends. Tyler, who was in Emmett's grade, went over to give him daps. I rolled my eyes. The girls congregated in little excited squeals around the van as Alice handed them their incriminating evidence.

"Hey."

I looked toward the sound of the deep voice coming from my side. Jacob was looking at me with a slightly shy smile.

"Hey. Jacob, right?" I extended my hand.

"Yeah." He took it with a firm shake. He was barely an inch shorter than my six foot and two inch frame and I fought back a strange urge to flex my muscles. The only guy I knew who beat my height was my brother, but there was no way I could fight him off if I ever felt the need. I was more the wiry type, where my brother was closer to a body builder. I was glad to see Jacob shared my body type. "There are some pretty nice looking girls here, huh?" His eyes were looking between my sister and my girlfriend. The flexing urge returned.

"The short, black-haired one is my sister, Alice, and the brown haired one is Bella…my _girlfriend._" I narrowed my eyes the tiniest amount.

He looked back at me, repentant, "I'm sorry, man. I didn't know." He put his hands up, palms forward, as if he were surrendering to the police.

I couldn't help but laugh at his expression, "No harm, no foul. Just hands off Bella, please."

His relived chuckle distorted his response a little, "No problem. Does that mean your sister is fair game?"

"She's got a boyfriend, but, honestly a chimp would be better suited for her than him. Do your best, man. You have my blessing." I extracted another cigarette from its box and offered him one.

He grabbed one and muttered, "Why the hell not?" I handed him my Zippo and saw him tighten up. I turned to look behind me and saw Alice bouncing over to us.

"Hey, guys," she said, "You must be Jacob." She held out a tiny hand for him to grab. His eyes lit up the tiniest amount and he grabbed it gently. His face turned to confusion after the contact and he pulled away holding a small piece of plastic.

"That's yours, please don't flaunt it." Alice's eyes were sharp and he could only nod at her helplessly. "We best go in, the DJ is coming on in ten minutes."

"We'll be right in," I said, looking pointedly at our already lit smokes.

She rolled her eyes, not pleased with my new habit, and rushed off to join the rest of the group. Emmett looked off at our general direction and smiled happily, walking over to join us.

"Emmett," he said, offering Jacob his hand.

We chatted about school and our interests while we smoked. Jacob turned out to be a really down to earth guy. He was younger than me by a year, which surprised both me and Emmett. We had guessed he was Emmett's age or possibly a freshman in college.

We headed in once we got down to the filter and found a greasy haired blonde man standing outside the door. "Eduardo!" he said, as if he was ecstatic to see me again.

"Hey, James." My attempt to be friendly seemed to work, because he smiled happily, showing off a broken tooth. James wasn't very tall, but he was fairly large and a little daunting to look at. I was glad he was no match for my huge brother.

He stepped away from the open door and let us by, saying, "This is your lucky day, guys. Have fun!"

When we walked in, Jacob turned to us, surprised. "You guys know him?"

"That's Alice's boyfriend." My voice was sour.

"Oh." His face lit up in a very pleased smile, "I see." Clearly, he was happy that James turned out to be very unappealing. I looked around. It had the feel of a dive bar, dimly lit and intentionally grungy. There was a small stage at the back wall with a band playing covers of popular 70s songs. The bar was crowded and worked by a woman who appeared to be in her late twenties. I picked out the small shape and spiky hair of my younger sister leaning on the edge of the bar. The woman looked at her dubiously and took her ID. With a shrug she walked off to make the drink without questioning it. I leaned against the bar next to her.

"Can I buy you a drink, miss?" I laughed.

"Shut up, Edward," she muttered, not even bothering to look at me. The woman came back with her drink and eyed me appreciatively.

"Would you like anything?" Her smile was bleached and her makeup was thickly applied. Her fake blonde hair waved around her. Everything about this woman was fake.

"I'll have a Coors, please," I pulled out a ten and handed it to her, not having any idea how much drinks cost here.

She pushed my hand away, gently. "On the house," she winked.

"I have a girlfriend and I wouldn't feel right about that." I tried to sound apologetic. Alice was watching our exchange with a straw between her smiling lips.

"Maybe I can change your mind." She handed me the drink and refused my money for the second time. I stopped trying after that. Free was free, regardless of this poor woman's attempt at affection.

"Where's Bella?" I asked to Alice, sipping the beer.

She pointed me towards the dance floor, still sipping her fruity concoction. I needed no further direction and found her swaying with her friends, drink in hand. I wrapped my arms around her. Her head leaned against my shoulder and she smiled up at me.

"Hi." I could smell the booze on her breath and I wondered idly how many drinks she already had.

"Having fun?" I whispered in her ear.

I felt her nod against my shoulder. She started moving against me, swaying her hips to the beat of the music the band was playing. I rested my head against hers and moved gently with her. The band finished playing and so did beer. They were replaced by a DJ who started playing EDM music, a very radical change. The floor became more lively then, and so did the lights. People were throwing themselves in all directions, some of them banging harshly into my back. My arms that were wrapped around my girlfriend's waist turned into more of a shield as elbows and fists were flying at us. I pulled her away towards the bar, figuring she would want another drink as well. With my arm wrapped tightly around her waist, I ordered us a couple drinks. Emmett rushed over to me. He yelled something I couldn't understand over the music.

"What!?" I yelled.

He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Do shots with me!"

I pointed at Bella as she grabbed the drink the bartender handed her. Emmett waved his hand and leaned towards the bartender and whispered in her ear. She nodded and grabbed three small glasses, putting them down in front of us. She grabbed a bottle of Bacardi and poured the clear liquid to the rim in each glass. She smiled at me, and glanced down at Bella, before winking back up at me. I waited until she was gone before rolling my eyes.

I grabbed Bella's drink and placed it down on the counter, replacing it with one of the dripping shot glasses. "Here, do a shot with me and Emmett."

Her eyes glanced up at me with mild concern. "I've never –"

I put my finger to her lips, "It's easy, put it all in your mouth at once and swallow it right away. Don't swish it around. It'll make it harder to swallow."

She nodded, still staring nervously at the little glass as if it was going to bite her.

"Ready!?" I yelled towards both her and my brother.

"Hell yes!" Emmett yelled back touching his glass to mine, and then holding his out for Bella to do the same. She did it reluctantly. I threw the shot back quickly, and pulled air in between my teeth and released it quickly. I felt the rum's flames lick down my throat and settle into my stomach. My brother shook his head wildly, with a huge smile on his face and slammed the glass down onto the bar.

"Woo!" His eyes were bright with excitement.

Bella gagged a little and swallowed quickly. She pressed the back of her hand, as if to keep the liquor in her body that way. I laughed, "I told you not to hold it in your mouth."

She just shook her head without responding and set the glass back on the counter.

"Another!" Emmett yelled. Bella excused herself, not wanting to lose the contents of her stomach and headed over to where Alice was. Tyler came up behind Emmett and asked to join in on the fun. Emmett ordered another round of drinks in the bartender's ear and she pulled out six shot glasses this time, as well as a jar filled with a pale yellowish liquid and a bottle of Jameson. She poured the yellowish liquid in three of the glasses, and the Irish whiskey in the other three.

Emmett leaned toward us. "Okay, you take the whiskey first, then the other right after." He handed me a glass of each and did the same for Tyler, then grabbing the remaining two glasses for himself. We touched glasses again and I followed his instruction. The whiskey went down easy and then I pulled the other into my mouth, swallowing fast. With a nauseating start, I realized the strange liquid was pickle juice. I coughed a bit and glared at my brother.

He was laughing, already placing the two glasses down. The bartender grabbed them quickly and walked off to wash them. "It's called a pickle-back," he explained, "The pickle juice kills the burn of the whiskey. Works, right?"

As pissed as I was that he didn't tell me what exactly I was drinking, I couldn't deny that he was right about the burning. Emmett demanded we do at least three more shots. I reluctantly agreed, not sure exactly how great my alcohol tolerance was. I drank before, but not much and I was in no mood to get wasted. He laughed when I told him this, saying something about how I needed to live a little. About a half hour, six shots, and two beers later I was feeling pretty nice. My eyes were unfocused and my lids were heavy. My mind was tired but my body was energized, even though I couldn't seem to walk straight. Talking became a lot harder than it should have and so did thinking for that matter. I couldn't put three words together without fucking them up. I gave up on talking eventually, deciding instead to go out for a cigarette. It was harder than it should have been to push through the thick crowd, but eventually I made it. Walking through the door and into the rain, I rushed between the bar and its neighboring business to where there was a fire escape providing shelter from the precipitation.

While I was attempting to light my cigarette, a tall, statuesque woman walked around the corner. I had a hard time looking away from her; she was so beautiful. I froze in my tracks, my hand still extended with the Zippo in place, cigarette hanging limply between my lips. Her face was that of an angel's; with long blonde hair flowing around her lean neck. I couldn't help but let my eyes train down her hourglass shaped figure, to her long, thin legs. It was then that I noticed her tattered clothes and her expression that was contorted in a very strange way, one that rivaled a carnivorous animal's. Instinctively, I took a small step back, the cigarette falling from my mouth. Her eyes shot down to my foot and back to my face in a fraction of a second. In response, she took a step toward me and, even though I knew that I would easily overpower this girl, the sense of unease from earlier came back to me full force. I had originally thought that I had been feeling the panic because of the near car crash I had experienced, but it was because of this moment, right now. Staring into the rabid eyes of this woman, I saw everyone – Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmett – and all I could think was that I would never see them again. This was the end. As if she saw the resignation in my eyes, she pounced on me, throwing me back onto the ground. My head smacked hard on the concrete and I saw black spots in my vision. Any hope of blacking out was quickly lost as soon as her teeth sunk down into the skin on my neck. Before I could cry out, a cold hand clamped down on mouth, holding the scream in. It seemed like years of pain before my vision became dark. I stared up into the black sky above me and I seemed to become a part of it. It felt like I was flying. Without warning the girl was wrenched off of me and thrown against the wall next to me.

"_Rosalie!_" a voice hissed in the darkness, "What the _fuck_ are you thinking!?"

"I – _fuck_ – I'm sorry, I _wasn't_ thinking, I saw him and…." The girl's voice seemed to be sobbing, "Jasper, I'm _sorry_."

"It's too late to be sorry. Is he dead?"

I turned my head at that point to look into the eyes of my attacker. She was looking at me through tear filled eyes, and gasped when she saw me move. I swallowed thickly, the pain in my body just barely keeping me awake. My eyes squeezed shut and I scratched at the ground in agony, it felt like my heart was trying to burst out of my chest. My lungs seemed like they filled with lead and I found myself gasping for air.

"Should I…?" The girl asked.

"No. It's too late. It's already started."

Someone gasped in response.

I rolled over against the cold wall and pressed my burning face against it. The side of my neck felt wet.

"We have to get him out of here."

"Edward?" I recognized the voice of my brother and I wanted to tell him to run away, to get Alice and Bella as far away from here as he could, but I couldn't find my voice.

"Shit," this time it was the voice of the man who saved me. "Never mind, we'll come back for him when it's over. He's lost a lot of blood. It shouldn't be that long. Come on, Rosalie." I felt a small breeze coming from behind me.

"Edward!" Emmett's voice was right behind me. I felt him roll me over, my head lolling to the side, my eyes still closed. "What the fuck? Edward! Look at me, damn it!"

I struggled to open my eyes. I found him hovering over me. His face was bright with concern. I swallowed thickly, my eyes sliding shut again. I felt him shake my arm.

"Stay awake!" My eyes opened again. "I'm going to get Alice. Will you be okay if I leave you?" I nodded at him, and he grabbed my arms, pulling me up and he leaned me against the wall. "I'll be right back."

I fought to stay awake, but my eyelids seemed to have a mind of their own. I was unconscious in seconds. It seemed like an eternity of swimming through darkness when I heard the voices.

"What did he say happened?"

"I don't know! He didn't say anything. What do we do, Alice?"

"We have to call Carlisle."

"What? He'll kill us."

"Look, Emmett, we have one of two options. The first is calling Carlisle and getting our asses kicked and probably grounded for the rest of high school or we call an ambulance and get arrested for underage drinking. I don't know about you, but I think the answer seems pretty _fucking_ obvious."

"Fine."

The voices stopped and I drifted away again. This was easier, there was less pain here. However, the universe seemed intent on torturing me because more voices pulled me from the blackness and into awareness.

"Edward? Can you hear me? How long has been like this?"

"Since I came back with Alice."

There was a long sigh, and I felt fingers touching my neck, and I became aware of a sharp stinging there. The fingers moved to my wrist.

"He's lost a lot of blood and there's a good chance he has a concussion. There's nothing I can do for him here. Help me get him to the car."

I started to wake up, the stinging in my neck and the throbbing on the back of my head forcing me out of the safety of the darkness. The first thing I noticed was that I was upright and my arms were wrapped around something on either side of me. The next thing I noticed was that I was being dragged. My feet were scraping across the ground in an uncomfortable position, my head drooping towards my neck. I heard someone sobbing, a female from the sound of it, a few feet away. I reluctantly opened my eyes, curious to see who was upset and why. It was Bella. She was leaning against the front tire of my car, curled up in a tight ball with her face against her knees. Her whole body was trembling. Alice was rubbing her back and speaking to her very quietly, most likely trying to console her. I wanted to be the one who comforted her, not Alice.

"Edward?" It was my brother's voice coming from right next to me and my eyes met his lazily. He had my arm slung over his shoulders and he was pulling me to Carlisle's car. I raised my eyebrows slightly, before letting my head drop with a huff. Moving was so difficult, every part of me just felt so heavy. "Carlisle, I think he's waking up!"

"Edward? Edward, can you hear me?" Carlisle's voice sounded relieved and I felt two pairs of hands pushing me onto a cool leather seat. I rolled over on my side, trying to get comfortable. "Edward. I need you to stay awake."

I didn't want to, but I did what I was told. Carlisle was leaning in the open door of the car, looking down at me. I wanted to ask him a question, the most important question of all, but instead of words, there was only a violent spew of coughing and a thick metallic liquid erupting from deep inside my chest. Vaguely, I felt bad for getting blood on my father's expensive upholstery.

While I gasped for breath, Carlisle was instantly on edge. "This is worse than I thought. I need to get him to the hospital _now_. Get Bella, Emmett. She'll be able to keep him awake."

"I don't know if she's up for it…" Emmett muttered.

"It doesn't matter! He's _dying_, Emmett!"

It was then that the reality of the situation really seemed to take hold of me, and my stomach as well as my consciousness sank deeper and deeper inside of me. My body wasn't _mine_ any more. It felt like that of an intruder's – foreign, alien. I wasn't dying, I was already dead; my mind was just somehow still attached to this thing I used to call myself. There was nothing Carlisle could do to save me now.

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**A/N:** Hope you liked it. Reviews are happily accepted, even criticism.


	3. Blood

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N:** Hello, everyone. I figured I'd post this chapter a little early for the psych out of chapter two. I don't know about you, but I loved drunk Edward in the last chapter. Hehe. Anyway, the story is started to pick up now and I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Song: Paradise Circus – Massive Attack

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Red seemed to be the only conscious thing I was aware of. It was all I could see. My other senses weren't working properly. My ears were clogged, my skin was numb, and my nose and mouth were both burning from the tremendous pressure building inside my throat. My vision was all I had left…and so was the foreboding color red. As Carlisle and Emmett pulled me through the door to the emergency room, I noticed the crimson splatters on their clothes like a morbid modern painting. The overhead florescent lights were blinding when they weren't being blotted out by various faces looking at me with concern. There were muffled sounds, and a deafening ring echoing through my head.

It was then that I saw him. He was pale skinned and honey blonde and his strange pale red eyes were trained directly into my own. We only shared a moment of eye contact, but it felt like forever. I know I hadn't really been able to see that well in that alley. But there was one thing I was absolutely certain about him. He was the one who stopped his friend from killing me, and yet I was just as afraid of him as I was that girl who had bitten me. My body lurched, the first time I had any physical control in what seemed like an eternity, away from the corner he was sitting in. I realized a second too late that this movement was a mistake. Carlisle and Emmett had released me in their shock and I crumpled to the ground on all fours, vomiting more red, and started to lose the only sense I had left. The blonde man stood at that point, his eyes narrowing in grim satisfaction. My vision blurred around the edges and began to turn black. I struggled against it. I tried to find the red again, even that was better than this complete colorless existence I found myself in.

"Edward! Oh, God, _no!_"

* * *

I gasped, panting into awareness, my body lurching forward. I became hyper aware of the complete control of my body I had. My hand flew to my chest as I panted and felt the fierce beat of my heart. _I wasn't dead._

"Oh, thank god." It wasn't my voice whispering these relieved words. It was instead the voice of my father. Brow furrowed, I turned to him, conscious of how stiff every movement felt. It was then that I finally took stock of my surroundings. I was in a small room with bright florescent lights and a long curtain shielding its contents from the hall outside. There was a large supply of heavy, complex machinery littering the room. My father stood closely around the bed I was laying on. I had seen this room or, at least, countless others like it in my visits to my father while he worked. I was in the ER. I looked back to him, struggling to remember the day's events. I remembered the bar and getting drunk, but after that everything was fuzzy. I had to really concentrate to remember. There was a lot of dancing, Emmett was there, and Alice and Bella. I saw a dark alley in my head with a beautiful woman in it, her blonde hair waving in the wind, her wild, furious expression. And then I remembered the blood, so much blood.

"She bit me," I said.

Carlisle seemed frozen, his hands still extended with the defibrillator in his tight grasp. He seemed to come alive then, moving to put all of the medical equipment away and then grabbed various other instruments; I saw a lot of gauze, bottles of antiseptic, and a stethoscope.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle took the things the woman handed him with a half-assed smile. I was momentarily distracted. Why did my face feel wet? I reached up to touch the space between my nose and mouth. My fingers were greeted with a half gritty, half liquid substance. When I pulled my hand back to look at my findings, I could hardly believe what I saw. My hand was completely covered in blood, as was my bare chest and part of my stomach in long gruesome streaks.

"What the fuck happened to me!?" I was feeling a little dizzy. I had never seen this much blood before. It was like looking at something straight out of a horror movie. How was I even _alive_?

"I was hoping you could tell me that." Carlisle was dumbfounded. "In all my years of medical training, I have never seen anything quite like that before. It was like your body was rejecting something, but…that something was your own blood. It was like your system was trying to kill itself." I heard the shudder in his voice. I stared down at my blood soaked body and noticed the long tube projecting from my arm with a dark red liquid occupying the thin space – a blood transfusion. Carlisle seemed to notice my observation. "The transfusion calmed you down, but it wasn't enough. You kept losing more and more blood. Eventually, your heart stopped and you…_died_ for a solid two minutes before I could revive you. And now…." He trailed off, but I knew what he was thinking. Now I was fine. But I knew that wasn't right. I wasn't _fine_. I was alive, but I could feel something stirring around inside of me, something abnormal. It was coursing through my veins, sluggishly yet sinister and it made a shudder flow through me. It wasn't right. _I_ wasn't right. As this thought entered into my mind, my neck ached as if to taunt me, and I touched it, feeling two little imprints…like a snake bite.

Carlisle pulled my hand away, "Don't touch. I have to clean the wound." He did as he promised, making quick work of it and then handed me a damp towel. "For your face," he explained. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go let everyone in on your eventful night."

He left without letting me answer. I knew he was upset. As Emmett had said yesterday, I was supposed to be the good one, the one who was always level headed. I was a straight A student and never got into any trouble. I've never even had a speeding ticket. Now, I was an underage drinker, with cigarettes in my pocket, and nearly got myself killed. I felt ashamed of my behavior. Carlisle was never one to yell or show his anger, but when he was disappointed, it was almost tangible.

I managed to clean myself before my family emerged into the small room. Emmett and Alice had glazed, white faces, unable to recover from the sight of me bloodied and nearly dead. But Esme had not seen the mess I had been and she rushed forward, hugging me with a force Emmett would have trouble reaching.

" I came as soon as I heard what happened. And I want you to know, I don't care what you did, I only care that you're okay," she whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek.

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry," I muttered thickly, hugging her back. I hardly ever called her mom, but in this instance, there was never a word more fitting. When she was done with her coddling and moved to sit next to me on the bed, there was a deep and intense silence that filled the room after. I had noticed that Bella was not among my family, but I was too afraid of breaking the silence to ask of her whereabouts. Carlisle didn't seem to mind breaking it, however.

"It's probably best if you all leave, your brother needs rest. He's scheduled for quite a few tests in the morning." The silence continued after his words, but everyone shuffled out of the room in response. My siblings seemed as if they couldn't get out fast enough. I knew it shouldn't have bothered me. I knew they were scared of what had almost happened, but I couldn't help the small sting of hurt in my chest.

A large white piece of material landed on my lap then and I glanced up at Carlisle. "I'm trusting you can change yourself." His voice was a monotone.

I grimaced, "Do I have to wear this thing?"

"I hardly think you're in any position to ask for favors." His voice was final and I bit back a frown. I wanted to apologize, to say anything really, but my throat was stuck and I couldn't manage to make myself talk. As Carlisle left the room, he said over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a minute. You're getting moved to a room upstairs."

I stood for the first time since I was attacked and felt how weak my legs were. I had to hold myself up against the plastic headboard of the gurney while I slipped off my pants and shoes and pulled on the stiff gown, conscious of the long tube attached to my arm. I was nearly finished tying the string around my waste when I started to feel a burning sensation in my left arm. I sucked in a sharp breath and looked down at my arm noticing that the skin around the transfusion needle started turning purple. I was nearly positive this wasn't supposed to happen so I hurried to gather up my clothes with my right arm, holding my left tightly against my waist. I made to grab the infusion hanger, juggling all the items in one arm to go find my father, when he walked through the room. I sighed in relief.

"Carlisle, there's something wrong with my arm." I held it out for him to look at it. I studied his face carefully, watching grimly as his face went from calm to confused to alarmed in a matter of seconds.

"How long as your arm been like this?" He grabbed it gently and poked around the skin. I winced. "You're having pain as well?"

"Yeah, that's how I noticed it. It must have happened pretty fast. My arm was fine a few minutes ago."

He removed the tube from the drip and waited while the rest of the blood filtered into my arm before slowly pulling the needle out. I bit my lip in pain. My fingers had started going numb.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you…." Carlisle hissed and I flinched in response; Carlisle never swore. Even 'hell' sounded rough in his voice. What made it worse was that I knew he wasn't just talking about my strange medical anomalies.

I grabbed his arm and waited for him to look at me. He did reluctantly. "I almost died today. You saved my life. And I know that I never should have gone to that party, that I should have been the responsible kid that you had faith I would've been. But I didn't, Carlisle. I can't change that now, but please, just be happy that I'm still around to make it up to you. Please." I was sick of the cold shoulder, and, regardless of my words, I was more aware of mortality than I was letting on.

My father looked at me for a long time. Eventually, he just said, "You broke my trust, Edward. I'm not going to just get over it."

"That's not what I'm asking!" I was yelling now without really meaning to, but I was desperate for him to understand. Life was too short. "I know I fucked up! I know I ruined your trust! But I died today Carlisle! I could still die! You don't know when or how. You can _try_ to stop it, but next time you might not be as lucky as you were today."

His eyes tightened. "Don't raise your voice at me, Edward. I know damn well how close I was to losing you. And if you use that as an excuse to get any favor from me, you might as well pack your things now. This was _your_ fault. This never would have happened if you didn't go to that party." I clenched my teeth and held my tongue. He just threatened to kick me out. "Are you finished arguing now? I want to go home."

He showed me to me to my room on the third floor and left without saying anything else, not even a goodbye. I sighed and laid myself on the bed, resigned to whatever fate was going to have me. At least I didn't have a neighbor in the bed next to me.

I was woken up in the morning by a young nurse who escorted me to various tests. I had an MRI and a CAT scan, some x-rays and a physical of sorts where a doctor just asked me questions about my well being. It was all very boring and rather unpleasant. I was finally escorted back to my room where I was allowed to eat. Fortunately, I wasn't put on a specific diet and I indulged myself in ordering a cheese burger. I knew hospital food wasn't the greatest, but burgers were relatively easy to make and not very easy to mess up. While I waited for my delivery, I was surprised to see my sister walk hesitantly into the room. I immediately straightened up and pulled the blankets over me, not wanting her to have to be exposed to my bare legs.

She smiled only slightly, her eyes still a little haunted. "Hey."

"Hi, Alice. Mom let you out of the house, huh? I would have bet money we were grounded for the rest of our lives."

"Oh, we are. She said seeing you didn't count though." She was standing awkwardly by the door. "Emmett would have come, but…."

I sighed. "It's not your fault, you know. You couldn't have possibly known something like this would happen."

Suddenly, she was fiercely staring into my eyes, her voice filled with the emotion it so severely lacked just moments ago. "But I could have. You _know_ I could have. You, of all people, know that I could have prevented this. This _is_ my fault. I had a bad feeling, just like Emmett did yesterday morning. But I ignored it. I wanted this party to be a success so badly that I just pushed it into the back of my mind. And for what?"

"Alice…I had a bad feeling too. I didn't say anything either. It's no one's fault except for…." I trailed off, my eyes wandering to the window.

"What?" She finally sat down in the chair next to me and took my hand. "Who did this to you, Edward?"

I shook my head, "I don't know who she was." Or _what_ she was.

"Does Carlisle know that there was…foul play involved?"

I shook my head again, "All I said was 'she bit me,' right after I woke up and then he got distracted when I asked what happened to me."

"_Someone _bit_ you!?_" she gasped. I looked back at her, nodding slowly. I could feel the color draining out of my face. She studied me for a long time. "Was she, like…rabid or something?"

"No…at least, I don't think so." I explained what happened in detail, watching her shudder and gasp at the things I was saying. When I finished, she was quiet for a long time.

"That sounds like a bad dream. I hate to say this, Edward, I really do. But are you sure you're remembering it correctly? I mean, you were pretty drunk. We all were."

"I've never remembered anything more vividly. Alice, that was the most…surreal, fucked up thing that has _ever_ happened to me. I know what you mean about how it sounded like a nightmare. It felt like it." Then something horrifying came back to me. A man sitting in the corner, red eyed and grim, was staring at me behind my eyelids. "I have to tell you something else." My voice dropped to a whisper. "Last night, when Emmett and Carlisle were dragging me in here, he was there, the man who stopped that girl from killing me. He was just sitting there, watching me as I bled."

Her face turned to horror as I said this. "Do you remember what these people looked like?"

"Perfectly. I could draw them if I wanted to."

My food arrived and the man set the platter on the little table next to my bed, swiveling it around so it was in front of me. I thanked him, even though I didn't feel like eating anymore. Somehow, saying what had happened yesterday out loud made the experience feel more real.

Alice saw my hesitation. "You should eat, Edward. You're probably starving." I knew she was right so I ate regardless of my disagreeing stomach. She continued speaking while I chewed with a bit of difficulty. "If you can remember them so vividly, why don't you report them?"

I smiled humorlessly. "You're my own sister and you barely believe me. Besides, something tells me that the police will never find them. They weren't…right, Alice. It was like they were something else."

"What…like inhuman?" she laughed for a second and then looked at me harder. "You're serious. Edward, come on. I know you banged your head pretty badly, but monsters? Really?"

Feeling a little pissed, I defended myself, "Look at the facts, Alice. I was _bitten_ by a chick who I could easily over power, and then, I died. For two fucking minutes! And from what!? No one fucking knows!" I threw my hands up in the air, and winced as my arm ached again. I looked at it, the purple bruises had started to fade slightly, but the skin around it was oddly discolored. It was almost yellow, like the color of death. "Look at this." I showed her.

"Jesus. How did that happen?" Alice's face had sobered up some, the sight of my arm clearly taking its toll on her resolve.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Carlisle didn't know either. It's where they put the infusion."

She brushed it off. "I know it doesn't make sense. But you can't just jump to irrational conclusions. Now keep eating."

"No, I don't feel well." I mumbled.

"Probably because you're hungry."

I sighed and grabbed the burger, taking the biggest bite I could manage. As soon as the bits of food made contact with my tongue, my mouth immediately went bone dry. I needed to take a sip of water just to force it down my throat. I felt it slide down the entire way, leaving a rotten, dirty taste behind in my mouth. My stomach turned further, and I felt my mouth finally watering, but for a different reason.

"I think it's rotten," I managed to choke out before darting to the bathroom. Just barely making it to the toilet, I heaved the near empty contents of my stomach into the bowl. Quiet footsteps sounded from behind me, but I ignored them. It was over as quickly as it started, and I flushed the toilet, not bothering to look inside. My sister, who had started to rub my back gently, froze.

"My god," she gasped.

"What?" I asked breathlessly, and looked into the flushing water. There was so much blood. I could never escape it. The color drained from my face. What was happening to me!?

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**A/N: **Oh, God. I'm sorry, Edward. I hope you guys like it so far. I am loving tortured, 'crazy' Edward. I know it's a little fucked up though so I hope you don't mind. If you _did_ like it you can go ahead and review and/or add this story to your alert list. If it's one of your favorite stories ever made, you can add it to your favorites. So, what do you guys think of angry, mean Carlisle? (Don't worry; he's not always like this.) And do you like tortured Edward as much I do? (Probably not.) Also, do you guys think Edward is crazy or is he telling the truth? You guys gotta answer that one. I'm seriously curious. Thanks for reading!


	4. Hopeless

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N:** Hey guys! I want to say thanks a bunch to everyone reading/reviewing/favoriting/following this story. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's enjoying something I wrote. I want to throw a quick shout out to Lola Cola 7's story called _**Sketching Desires**_. It's a mystery twilight fic, and it's excellent. She keeps those chapters nice and polished and the writing is phenomenal, as well. If you don't feel like searching for it, you can get to it on my favorite stories list.

I want to throw out a couple things before we start. The first is that I planned to write every other chapter from Bella's perspective, but then decided instead that I'd put a couple chapters in where her opinion would add to the story, as opposed to getting repetitive and such. I was wondering if you guys liked that idea, or if you didn't like multi-perspective stories. I could always do outtakes after I finish this story if you life that idea better. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me as long as the story still progresses the way it should. For example: I wrote this chapter originally from Bella's perspective, but then started over from Edward's and liked it better, mainly because this is Edward's story and not hers. The second is that, as of right now, I'll posting this story more frequently until I start posting more stories, and then it'll probably slow down a bit to the once a week schedule that I originally said. The only reason why I'm not doing that now is because I really see no point in that when I have a chapter finished and edited. Right now, I'm working on a one shot and sort of a drabble fic with another story in my head that doesn't have a full plot yet. Two are all human and the other is sort of alternate universe, but not really. If you read it when it's posted, you'll understand. The third thing is that these chapters are all pretty long and so is the story. I foresee this being around 30 chapters give or take, and I figured I'd just let you know what you're getting yourself into. I hope you stick around for it; I predict it to be grand (in my head, at least.) Okay, cool, thanks for reading this long ass author's note (assuming you got to this point, you did.)

Chapter Song: Black Balloon – The Kills

**Chapter 4 – Hopeless**

My head was buried in my pillow, feeling numb. Alice had called the nurse as soon as she saw the blood and the nurse just said it was probably an ulcer from the physical stress I had been under and that when all of my test results came in they would know exactly what was wrong. She mentioned eating something light, like soup. I was secretly glad about her easy dismissal. I didn't want any of the staff worrying over me. Actually, I wanted the exact opposite so I could go home and die in peace. It worried me only slightly how okay with my own death I was. It wasn't like I was just being melodramatic, I _was_ dying. This isn't an unusual experience, for someone to sense their own death coming. I just wished Bella was here with me. I wanted to see her as much as I could.

"Hey, Alice?" I muttered into the soft fabric surrounding my mouth. I heard her pacing stop.

"What's wrong?" She was instantly at my side, her hand rubbing my back yet again.

I sighed, "Where's Bella? Did she get grounded because of me?"

There was a small moment of hesitation, "She actually isn't. But it wouldn't be your fault if she was anyway. Don't be ridiculous."

"Have you talked to her since yesterday?"

"No. When I drove her home Charlie was furious. He didn't know she was drinking though, thank god. She sobered up pretty fast after…well, you know. Anyway, Bella told Charlie what happened, and he looked like he was about to collapse himself. He loves you, you know."

"Yeah." I smiled a little at that. Charlie was a great guy, understanding but quiet. Bella was lucky to have him in her life. "Is she coming to see me then?" I looked over at her.

She smiled, "I think they both are."

"Ah, fuck." I groaned, a terrifying thought entering my mind.

"What? Does something hurt? Do you need me to call anyone?"

"No, no, I'm fine, Alice. Stop worrying. What happened to my car?" I was having visions of it stuck in an impound lot or sitting alone outside of that godforsaken bar. What if got stolen?

Alice saw the panic in my face, "Calm down. How do you think I took Bella home?"

I relaxed instantly, "Thank you."

"I know how fucking much you love that car."

Alice didn't leave my side all day, even though I wasn't much for conversation. I remained a lifeless lump on my bed. I was feeling…really terrible. My body was aching _everywhere._ I tried to just ignore it, but every now and then my neck would sting so terribly I could barely stand it. Alice chatted about unimportant things and I was happy to have her company. I was about ninety percent positive she was remaining by my side out of guilt, but I couldn't find in my body to care. I wanted the distraction she was providing.

"You should probably eat that soup now, Edward. You don't want that ulcer to get worse. Though, this is just my unprofessional opinion, but it seemed like way too much blood to be an ulcer." Alice was back to worrying and I sighed.

"I really don't feel well, but if it'll make you feel better, I'll eat, okay?" I didn't want to think about me or this _thing_ that was happening to me. At this point, I'd do anything to get her off the topic. She proved herself helpful for the millionth time that afternoon by ordering the food for me. It came rather quickly, and I forced myself to sit up and try to eat.

"I don't want to sound like a dick, but…if I throw up again, can you not come in the bathroom? I don't really want anyone seeing that," I asked of her before taking a bite.

She deliberated for a second before answering, "Yeah, okay. But if you don't come out in five minutes I'm going in there."

"Deal." I thought it was a fair proposition and took my first bite of soup. Struck immediately by the foul taste, I started to wonder if the burger really was rotten, or if my taste buds were somehow messed up. I clenched my teeth. I couldn't even enjoy food anymore? Why the fuck couldn't I have anything, just one thing that was left unaffected? The moment my spoon slammed angrily into the bowl, Bella entered with Charlie following not far behind. I straightened up further and winced slightly and every part of me ached in protest of the movement.

"I'm sorry I couldn't see you last night." Her eyes watered and she blinked furiously, smiling with obvious difficulty.

"It was my fault, really. I was calling her and leaving some pretty angry voicemails." Charlie's face turned a light shade of pink as he admitted this. "Had I known what happened, I obviously would have let her stay. So, what happened to you anyway? No one seems to know."

I lied, "I don't really know myself. I went outside and slipped, and that's all I remember, really." I didn't look at Alice directly, but I saw her eyes flicker to me in my peripheral. Bella's eyes narrowed as well. She had seen me last night. No fall could have done that much damage. Charlie didn't seem to think anything was odd about my story.

"Lucky you have Carlisle, then." His smile was bright and he had no idea how hard his words hit me and I just smiled back as convincingly as possible. I was very aware that Carlisle had not come to visit me once.

Bella moved to sit on my bed, her hands tangling with my fingers and, with a shock of anger, I realized I couldn't even do that without hurting. I sucked it up; I wasn't going to lose precious time with her just because I was being a wimp. Charlie pulled up a chair to sit next to my bed.

"What's wrong with your soup, Edward?" Bella asked.

"My stomach is weird. I have an ulcer." I really hated lying to her.

"Well, you should probably eat then." She stared at me nervously.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll be fine. I just don't feel like eating right now." At least only half of that was a lie. The company – especially Bella's – made the time go by faster, but when they all got up to leave, Charlie and Bella first, and then eventually Alice too, I found myself moping.

"Cheer up, Edward. Maybe you can be out of the hospital in time for school on Monday," she said as she stood up.

"Yeah…maybe," I muttered.

Only five minutes went by after Alice left before I saw a tall, blonde haired man enter my room. I nearly jumped out my skin before I realized it was Carlisle. I _had_ to get a grip on myself.

He was startled by my reaction. "Are you alright?"

_So now you suddenly care again?_ "Yeah, I'm just out of it right now."

"Okay. Look…I wanted to catch you alone today because…I needed to explain myself. And apologize. May I?" He pointed to the chair that Charlie was sitting in before. I nodded, wary. "It was wrong of me, to treat you that way; it really was. It wasn't so much _you_ I was angry with. It was more the situation. I had almost lost my son. I just barely pulled you back to save your life and it really wore on me. I do things like that multiple times a day, Edward. But this time was different because the man lying on that table wasn't just a nameless face that would never affect my life again; it was _you_, my _son_. But instead of being grateful that you were alive, I blamed your near death on yourself. Had you been as responsible as usual, none of this ever would have happened. Regardless of whether or not that may be true, it wasn't right to put the blame on you. Which leads me into my next point: who attacked you, Edward?"

I swallowed loudly, not expecting the change in topic. "No one _attacked_ me."

"I heard you, you know. When you woke up, you said 'She bit me.' Don't lie to me, Edward. I saw your injuries, they weren't self inflicted. You don't just fall flat on your head without trying to catch yourself and, since there's absolutely nothing wrong with your arms, I can't imagine that's what happened. I don't even know what to say about your neck."

"I don't know, Carlisle. I don't remember."

"But you remember that a woman bit you?" Carlisle narrowed his eyes, "And why would someone bite you? You weren't…hurting this woman, were you?" His voice turned to horror at the end.

My stomach dropped, "God! No! Jesus Christ! If you must know, some girl pushed me, I hit my head and started to black out and the last thing I can remember is that she bit my neck." I pointed to the two scabbed over indents.

He looked at them closer, his face twisting in confusion. "Is that what that is then? A _bite_? From a _human_? Are you sure that's what happened?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, "I just told you I hit my head and was in the process of losing consciousness. No, I'm not sure." This was a lie. I remembered distinctly the way it felt when her teeth sunk into my neck. I also didn't black out until much later. Plus, I was nearly positive that woman _wasn't_ human. Her red eyes, her expression, her strength – all of it was too strange, too abnormal.

Carlisle sighed, next to me. "Well, all of your tests came back. Everything was normal and fine. Though your blood tests were a little strange, there's nothing worrisome. Normally, they'd make you wait a few days because you have a mild concussion, but since I live with you and can make sure everything is alright, you can go home tomorrow." This surprised me. I was fine? Then why did I feel like I got hit by a bus? Why did I sense my death with every breath that I took? Why couldn't he see that _nothing_ was fine?

My brows scrunched low over my eyes, "What's wrong with my blood?"

"I'm not a hundred percent sure. There was a very small amount of something mixed in your blood stream, but we couldn't identify it."

"It could be liquor," I muttered.

He smiled a little, despite his sour mood. "I hope you don't think I'm such a bad doctor that I can't even determine a little alcohol in someone's blood."

I rolled my eyes, "Maybe the blood transfusion was tainted."

"No, we're very cautious of where we get our blood from. If it was tainted, we would have known _before_ we put it in you. It's _your_ blood that's off."

"Cool," I sighed, "Do you mind if I get some sleep? I figure it's better to get as much in now before the nurses come in and start waking me up again to see if I'm alive."

He chuckled and stood, suddenly awkward. "Do you forgive me for yesterday?"

I thought for a brief second. I was upset and confused by his reaction to what had happened, but he apologized, and, despite his words, I was still very afraid of dying. How could I stay mad at him when I was very limited on time? "Of course, Carlisle, I understand why you were angry. I'm sorry I messed up." This was impossibly true. I couldn't be sorrier for breaking his trust and doing the thing that seemed to be costing me my life.

He smiled a little, his eyes still upset. "Please don't take me kicking you out seriously. I can't even believe I said that." He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing, "You're always welcome in my home. I _am_ your godfather, you know."

This comment relieved me and I couldn't help but smile back at him, "Thank you. You're a good father. Nobodies perfect."

He nodded, glad I had forgiven him and turned to leave saying, "I'll be here in the morning to get you," over his shoulder.

I lay down, feeling lighter than I had since yesterday afternoon and thought about how long ago that seemed. With a shake of my head, I closed my eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep. When Carlisle arrived, I hadn't expected it to be so early. I was exhausted when he woke me up at five.

"I'm sorry, I have to be back here by seven and I was the only one who could check you out."

"S'fine," I mumbled, removing myself from the blankets and grabbed the clothes he handed me gratefully. I got changed as quickly as my sore limbs would allow, wincing as each piece of fabric felt like little knives stabbing my skin. Even my cashmere sweater rubbed uncomfortably across my skin. I walked out of the hospital bedroom to find my father leaning against the receptionist's desk signing some papers. He handed them to the nurse and smiled. She blushed furiously, thanking him. I shook my head; he was such a ladies' man.

"What was that about?" I asked when he walked over to me.

"Your release papers. Ready to go?" Without waiting for me to respond, he began to walk down the hall towards the elevators.

"Yeah, I _think_ I have everything," I mumbled, still half asleep. I checked my pocket for my phone, wallet, and Zippo. I was mildly upset to find that my cigarettes were missing, but not surprised. "I don't suppose there's a chance I could get my cigarettes back is there?"

He laughed, "No way. I already threw them in the trash."

I grimaced. I could always steal one of Emmett's. We walked to the car in silence, mostly because I was too tired to concentrate on anything besides walking and the pain that accompanied it.

"Carlisle?" I asked as we headed to the black Mercedes. I would have to choose my words very carefully here.

He looked up, opening the driver's side door, and raised his eyebrows.

"You don't suppose I could have any pain killers do you?" I sat down, and he did the same, starting the car.

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the high way before finally answering. "Are you in pain?"

I pursed my lips, nodding. "Everything is really sore. Every time I move, my body aches like you wouldn't believe."

"That's to be expected considering you were attacked from a seemingly ravage drunk woman who managed to knock your six foot two frame over with no issue." He raised his eyebrow.

I clenched my teeth, "That's why I didn't want to tell you. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, and more than a little embarrassing."

"I'm not saying I don't believe you, I just think your inebriation could have a little something to do with the validation of your story. As for the pain killers, why don't we start with Acetaminophen and work our way up from there?" He eyed me speculatively.

"Yeah, that's fair." I didn't think simple Tylenol would do it, but I wasn't going to argue. He drove us home, filling me in on the few things I had missed. We were grounded – obviously, but he wasn't going to tell Charlie the truth about what happened, saying it wasn't his business to get involved. The entire town apparently seemed to know that I was in the hospital for exactly 29 hours and they had all apparently sent me cards and flowers. I groaned in response to this, embarrassed by being the talk of the town.

"Who told everyone?" But I knew the answer I spoke it.

"Oh, please. Who else?"

"Emmett. How did he even talk to anyone if he's grounded?"

"His phone. I guess he's been pretty friendly with Jessica Stanley lately. God knows she's a gossip."

I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat. Apparently, if she couldn't have me, she'd settle for my brother. I turned my head out the window, the conversation coming to a comfortable lull. I watched through tired eyes as the sun came up over the trees, trying futilely to break through the thick cloud cover. Forks was beautiful in a way, very green and melancholy. We pulled into the long stretch of road through the green masses that led to our huge, white house. After the car was parked in the garage, I noticed my silver Volvo parked in its place and smiled happily thinking of my sister. I wasted no time in dragging myself up the two flights of steps, marveling at how easy this was just 48 hours ago. When I opened the door to my room, my bed was waiting for me; it had never looked so inviting. I threw my clothes off down to my boxers and pulled myself into the freshly washed covers and fell asleep.

* * *

"Edward." Something shoved my arm hard. "Edward! Wake up!"

My eyes fluttered open and I found Bella's face hovering over mine with concern.

I grumbled a little before finally finding my voice. "Why are you here so early?"

Her face twisted in confusion. "What do you mean? It's five."

_What?_ "Pm?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck." I mumbled. "Well, whatever. C'mere." I wiggled my body over to give her some room and pulled the covers back. She took her shoes off and crawled in. We stared at each other for a long moment, not saying anything. I couldn't help it. I kissed her. In that moment, staring in her face and feeling my love for her wash over every part of me, I forgot everything that happened in the past two days. I pulled her into me, crushing her tiny form into my much larger, nearly naked one. She kissed me back fervently, her fingers tracing patterns along my skin, leaving fire in its wake. Our tongues twisted gently, our noses scraping together as our lips moved. I felt my body reacting and I was pleased. At least that was left unaffected. I broke away from her, gasping quietly and kissed her all over face. She giggled.

"I can't believe my parents let you come over." I whispered against her cheek.

"I called ahead – Alice told me you guys were grounded – and Esme said that she didn't mind if I came over. She said you've been through enough in the past two days that a visit couldn't hurt." I felt her cheek lift in a smile.

"Esme always was a softy," I chuckled, my face moving towards her neck. I breathed in deeply through my nose, the tip of it grazing across her silky skin. I was struck dumb by the scent of her. She smelled amazing, better than anything I've ever smelled before. Bella had always smelled nice to me, but never like this. She was mouthwatering. "Are you wearing perfume?" I pulled the skin over her jugular into my mouth, sucking on it gently.

"Mmm," she breathed, "No, I don't think so. I got some new shampoo though."

"Well, whatever it is, it smells amazing." I whispered against her now damp skin and felt her shiver.

"You're freezing," She whispered, her hands rubbing against my arms.

"I know…I can't seem to get warm right now." My forehead on the other hand felt like it was on fire. I pressed the back of my cool hand to it, feeling the heat radiate from out of it.

"Do you have a fever?" She grabbed my hand and pulled it away from my face and replaced it with her own. "Damn, Edward. How long have you been like this?" Her hand moved to my cheek, gently rubbing the skin.

I closed my eyes under the sensation, saying, "I don't know, I've been asleep. It wasn't like this when I got home though."

"I'll go get Esme." She rushed off without waiting for me to respond and the bed felt freezing without her in it. I pulled the blankets around me and waited. I heard the door open a few minutes later and I looked up to see Bella and Esme walking through the door. Bella sat on the bed near my feet and Esme walked over to me. She was holding a glass of water and some pills in one hand and thermometer in the other. I watched her place everything except the thermometer on my night stand. She pulled the cap off.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier, Edward?" she scolded.

"I've been asleep."

"All day?" Her voice was concerned.

"Until Bella got here." I pushed myself up to lean against my head board, pulling the blankets up around my bare chest and took the thermometer from her. I stuck it under my tongue and waited.

"That's not good. What about your concussion?" She was back to scolding.

"Alice has been in here all day, checking on me," I mumbled around the device resting in my mouth. I vaguely remembered my sister shaking me awake every few hours. The thermometer beeped and I pulled it out of my mouth. It read '101.' I handed it to her and she grimaced.

"Well, alright. It's just not like you to sleep this much," She mumbled as she cleaned the tip with her shirt and replaced the cap.

I shrugged, "I didn't get much sleep in the hospital. The beds are really uncomfortable and the nurses were checking on me all night."

She nodded, "Well, you're not going to school tomorrow if this fever doesn't come down."

I sighed, "I'm fine, Esme."

"You _can't_ go to school with a fever. I'd get an angrily worded letter from the school board complaining about how you're infecting the rest of the school." She shook her head.

"Alright, fine." I grabbed the pills off the night stand and swallowed them, drinking the water directly after. I was surprised by how thirsty I was and drained the entire cup. "Do you mind getting me some more water?" I handed her the empty glass.

"Sure." She walked into the bathroom.

I looked at Bella and smiled. Her face lit up and she leaned forward onto her hand to kiss me quickly.

"Do you feel okay besides the fever?"

No. "Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks for taking care of me sweetheart."

My mother walked back in and set the glass down on the night stand again. "I don't want you two getting too close if you're sick, Edward."

I knew what she meant and I felt color heating up my face. "Please, Esme." She chuckled and walked from the room, shutting the door behind her.

Bella giggled, and got back under the covers. "Are you going to listen to her?" Her fingers trailed down my chest, playing with the hem of my boxers. I shivered in delight.

"Do I ever?" I smirked.

* * *

**A/N:** Oooh, ;) So what'd you think? Are you satisfied with Carlisle's heartfelt apology? What about Edward coming home from the hospital so early? I love to here from you guys, so if you're in the mood go ahead and leave a review. Thanks!

-MWW


	5. Pain

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N:** Hey, guys. New chapter, yay! Hope you like it.

Chapter Song: Little Black Submarines – The Black Keys

**Chapter 5: Pain**

Bella was fast asleep on my chest, and I let my fingers glide over her naked back. I was tired still, even though I had slept all day, but my mind was racing too much to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about this thing that was transforming my body into something strange. I was, for lack of a better word, terrified. This _thing_ crawling up my veins, sliding through my body, was eating me alive. I couldn't eat, I could move, at least not without pain. I looked down at the girl in my arms, and squeezed my eyes shut. When I died, would she be okay? She whispered my name quietly and smiled and I had my answer. No, she wouldn't be. We'd been together since I moved into Carlisle and Esme's house when I was ten. I remembered meeting her, the little girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She was so pretty, even then. We grew up together; we went to school together; we did everything together. And now, as we lay together on my bed, naked and tangled in the sweetest of embraces, I knew that was all going to end.

It was then that my stomach started to twist uncomfortably and at first I thought it was just the thought of my death hanging over my head. After a few uncomfortable minutes of my stomach clenching and my mouth watering, I gingerly pushed Bella off of me and sprinted to the bathroom. This time when I saw the blood I wasn't surprised, but it wasn't any less daunting. My head was pounding and I felt wetness above my upper lip. I whipped at my face with the back of my hand, finding more blood. I made to wash my hands when I felt the trickle of wetness sliding down my face again. Looking in the mirror, I saw blood dripping slowly from my nose and my stomach clenched again. _What the _fuck_ is happening!?_ I whipped the blood off again, only to find that more was slowly dripping from my nose, this time from both nostrils. My head was pounding and I felt the weakness in my body return full force. I gasped for air quietly.

The bathroom door creaked open and I heard soft footsteps moving toward me. I didn't look back at her; I didn't want her to see the bloody mess. Small arms wrapped around my torso.

"I heard you throw up, are you okay, now?" she whispered, her lips pressing against my back.

I nodded, the blood dripping into the sink with the movement.

This didn't escape her eyes. "Edward, you're bleeding!"

I shrugged, cringing and wishing that she hadn't seen.

"Turn around, let me see," she whispered.

I shook my head, managing to mutter, "No, it's bad," around the blood that was now pouring down my face. I could feel it dripping in my throat and I spit into the sink.

I heard her little footsteps again, and I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see her grabbing a wad of toilet paper. "I don't care if it's bad."

Sighing, I turned to face her, accepting the toilet paper she handed me with quiet thanks. She mashed her lips together tightly – the sight of blood upsetting her as usual – but she stayed calm. I knew she was holding her breath and I figured I'd give her an excuse to leave while I got my nose bleed to stop.

"Will you run down to Emmett's room and ask him for a cigarette for me, please?"

"Sure."

She walked a little too quickly from the bathroom and shut the door tightly behind her. I moved to sit on the bathroom floor, my legs not wanting to hold me anymore. I couldn't take much more of this, but a little voice whispered to me in my head, _how much worse is it going to get before it finally ends?_ I didn't want to answer it so I continued to hold the tissue to my face tightly.

I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep until Bella was shaking me awake.

"Edward," she mumbled, and I slid my eyes open, finding myself pressed hard against the cool tile of my bathroom. Feeling disoriented, I looked up at my girlfriend with confusion. She held the cigarette out for me to take, her face undoubtedly contorted in worry.

I took the little tube of paper from her and slid it between my lips. With a bit of difficulty, I managed to work my way into a sitting position, leaning against the wall. I smoked quietly, neither of us saying a word until the cigarette was going down the drain of the toilet.

"You're not going to be okay…are you?" Her voice was only a whisper, but it portrayed more emotion than the loudest of yells.

I looked at her, my eyes saying everything I couldn't. There was an unspoken agreement between us then, though our eyes – her large, brown ones and mine narrowed, green ones – filled with tears of unwanted understanding. We held each other for a long time, not speaking, only shaking with powerful emotion.

I felt her shake her head against my chest, "What am I going to do?"

Pressing my head against the wall behind me, I squeezed my eyes shut, the emotion spreading over me was too strong to handle. "You'll be strong. You're a strong girl; I know you'll be okay."

"I don't think I will," her voice was weak from crying and as I looked at her, I saw that the tears had gone and were replaced by a grim kind of hopelessness.

"Yes, you will." My voice was stronger now. "You'll be fine. Even if it's hard at first, you'll be okay. You'll get married, you'll have babies. You're going to die when you're old and wrinkled in your bed. It's okay if you think about me, but you have to move on."

A tiny, quiet sob escaped her lips. "When?"

I had been asking myself that same question since this started, "Soon. So we might as well make the best of this, right?"

I watched her and she closed her eyes for a brief moment. When those beautiful eyes opened again, what I saw made my heart fill with the smallest amount of hope. "Yes."

In that moment, I knew in my heart that even after I died, Bella would live on. She would be hurt, devastated even, but eventually she would be happy again. It burned only a little to know that it would be with someone other than me.

Having Bella know about the situation at hand made this _process_ a little easier. I felt emotionally better, but my physical self grew worse and worse. Esme started to see the changes in me almost immediately during that first day and, because of this, I never went back to school.

"You're so thin. You need to eat Edward," she had said to me the second morning home. I brushed it off, pretending like everything was fine. She didn't need to know that everything tasted like shit and it made my stomach turn as soon as it landed. The only thing my body seemed not only willing to consume but _dying_ for was water. I was drinking nearly 10 glasses a day, never feeling satisfied. I'd drink until my stomach was uncomfortably full and within the next hour, my mouth was parched and completely dry once again. It was impossible.

"You've been vomiting a lot. I know you've been trying to hide it, but I know," my mother said. Bella was sitting dutifully by my side and had been there since early this morning. I was convinced she would have stayed the night if Charlie would have let her.

The only reply I gave to her comment was a small grimace.

Esme gave me the little thermometer, her eyes narrowing. I stuck into my mouth obediently, and waited. The little device beeped and she took it out of my mouth gently.

"103." Her eyes tightened further. "I'm getting Carlisle."

"Esme…" I muttered, but my mouth snapped shut when I saw her expression.

"I'm getting Carlisle." She repeated and left me and Bella. My father was in my room within minutes with a deep frown marring his features.

"Esme tells me you've been sick?" He asked.

I nodded.

He sighed quietly, "Why haven't you said anything?"

"I didn't want you to worry." Bella's hand tightened around mine with my words.

Carlisle pulled out two Ibuprofens from a small bottle, "I'll be back to check on you in a couple hours. Here." He handed me the pills. I took them without protest, already knowing they weren't going to do any good.

I lay back down after my parents left the room and rolled onto my side, facing Bella. She touched my burning face gently. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. I didn't wake up again.

_It was a dark night, cold and very foggy. My legs were swinging in the back seat of the car and my mother and father were talking in quiet voices from the driver's and passenger's seats._

"_Edward, I can't see a thing. You should probably slow down," my mother whispered._

"_It's _fine_, Elizabeth. Besides I'm already going 30."_

"_There's no one around, it doesn't matter how slow you're going."_

"_Fine."_

_The car slowed a little and I looked out of the window. I saw the fog whooshing past us like something directly out of the kind of horror movie I wasn't allowed to watch. I could just barely make out the shapes of trees zooming past the car._

"_Edward, look out!" my mother screamed._

"Edward!"

"No! No, no, no!" I cried. Something cold and wet splashed onto my face. I opened my eyes. My biological father was smiling down at me. I was lying in the middle of a dark road. Rain was pouring onto my face. "Dad?" I mumbled.

He nodded and smiled gently at me, holding out his hand.

"He's delirious!" A faraway voice called frantically. I didn't like the way it sounded, so scared. I tried to ignore it. I grabbed my father's hand instead and he pulled me to my feet.

"I've missed you, Edward." He said softly. "Why did you leave us for so long?"

"You died. You and mom died. I didn't know where to find to you." My voice betrayed my longing.

He laughed, "You could have come with us. It was your choice, my boy."

My forehead creased. "No. I didn't want to die."

"Do you now?" He asked.

"No, but…I'm dying anyway."

"Then come with me."

I was suddenly aware of a very intense pain shooting up and down my body. I cried out, but my father didn't seem to notice. He was pulling me farther into the dark fog.

"Edward, please wake up." I recognized that sobbing voice. I couldn't place it though; it was so far away from this lonely street we were walking down.

"I don't know where this blood is coming from!" said the frantic voice from before. "I have to get him to the hospital."

Suddenly the foggy street disappeared and I entered the world above it. Carlisle was grabbing my arm and wrapping it tightly around his neck. I was vaguely aware that Bella and Esme were helping him get me out of the bed. What was the most clear to me was the long streams of red pouring down my chest and down my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak, but more blood poured out and I choked, coughing violently.

"Edward!?" Carlisle asked. I looked at him, my coughing fit momentarily over. "Oh, thank god. Can you walk?"

I tried to push myself onto my feet. My knees buckled instantly. Carlisle managed to catch me, but I vomited large amounts of blood onto the carpet. My eyes rolled back into my head.

The next time I opened my eyes I was laying flat on my back. Faces were hovering above mine and I saw the ceiling rushing past my face with an alarming speed. I heard muffled shouts through blocked ears and I vaguely recognized my father standing above me with a grim expression. Terrible pain was shouting throughout my body and my back arched as I cried out. My vision was blurry, but I was positive I wasn't going to lose consciousness again.

"Stay with me!" a voice cried, and it echoed around in my head. _Let me go, _I wanted to say back but my throat was clogged. Once more the same shooting, crushing pain went through my body and I arched again, and then that was it. The pain was gone. I could still see through my eyes, but everything had gone limp, I couldn't move. I tried to move my eyes, but they wouldn't budge either and I stared glassily up at the spotted panels above me. A loud, solid beep was echoing around the room.

"Clear!"

A jolt coursed through my body and my back arched again, but this time it wasn't voluntary. The beep sounded again.

"Clear!"

The process repeated for the second time, my back arching, my muscles tightening and the loud beep sounding once again.

"Clear!"

The third time was the last time.

"He's gone, Doctor." Someone whispered.

"No!" I heard a loud crash and a gasp and suddenly my father was over me, his face stained with tears. His hands pressed firmly into my chest, but my stubborn, dead heart wouldn't budge. He did this over and over, occasionally breathing into my mouth. I felt my lungs expand and then fall. Finally, a brave nurse grabbed his arm.

"He's gone. There's nothing you can do. Go back to your family," she whispered.

"He is my family!" my father shouted, and then whispered softly again, "He is my family."

The same nurse looked at me with a sad look and her fingers pressed into my eyelids, drawing them down over my eyes, encasing me in complete darkness.

_Was this what it felt like to be dead?_

* * *

**A/N: **So, I'm kind of discouraged. The lack of response to the story is kind of making me sad. But I'll keep writing for those of you who do like it. As always, love to hear from you.

-MWW


	6. Gone

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**A**/N: This chapter really hit home to me. So, I hope you like it. :s Anyway, early update, yay! Don't know if you guys are interested, but I might be posting another story soon. I already have two chapters completely finished and one that's about half way done. So, if you're interested, stay tuned for that. Also! I want to say thanks to my great reviewers, readers, and followers. You guys are inspiration to write even when I'm being sad and mopey. Love you, guys. Okay, enjoy!

Carlisle's Song: Serpentine – Chris Bathgate

Bella's Song: Your Ex-Lover is Dead [Final Fantasy Remix] – Stars

**Chapter 6: Gone**

_Carlisle Cullen_

Esme was peering out of the window. She hadn't spoken since it happened. I was at a loss. Edward was and had always been my favorite child. It was wrong, of course, to have favorites. But he was such…a _good_ son. The others were always getting into trouble or arguing with myself or Esme. Edward was old beyond his years. He was quiet, soft spoken, stayed mostly out of trouble. When he was attacked that night, I was so angry. How could he have been so foolish? How could he have done this? He got himself killed. I wept silently on the large, round bed, something I was not used to doing. I missed him terribly. It was my fault he was dead. I knew they would be getting up to no good at that party. I should have put my foot down. At the time, I thought that he would have kept the others in line. He was the leveled headed one. He should have stopped it.

_No._ I shouldn't think that way. He deserved to have fun just like every other seventeen year old.

A soft knock sounded on the door. Glancing towards it, I noticed in my peripheral that Esme had not moved an inch.

"Come in," I called, my voice rough from crying.

My daughter walked in, her eyes wide and glassy, and held a phone in her hands. "It's the man from the funeral parlor. He wants to speak with you."

"Thank you, Alice." My hand closed tightly around the phone and I cleared my throat quickly. "Hello?"

"_Doctor Cullen?"_

"Yes?"

"_Hello, this is Carl Fisher from the Fisher and Sons Funeral Home. I just have a few questions regarding the arrangements for your son."_

**…**

"Carlisle?" It was only a whisper. I wouldn't have even noticed it if I didn't see her move. She had turned toward me and I saw the same glassy eyed expression I had seen in Alice's only an hour before.

"Esme…" I whispered back. Feeling unsure of how to approach this, I walked towards her slowly, my arms opening to allow her small form into my embrace. She blinked slightly and made no move toward me or away from me. My arms wrapped around her and I prayed she wouldn't try to break away from me.

"Is everything all set then…for…for Edward?" His name seemed to burn her as she said it.

I nodded, not speaking.

Her breath came out in shiver and I clutched her closer to my chest. I could almost feel the click in her body. I could almost see the light switch connected to her emotions flip from off to on in that split second where my arms pulled her closer to me. Her lips quivered and her teeth bit into them. Her hands clawed at my shirt. Her body went rigid. And her eyes. Dear god, her eyes. I had never seen a look quite like that in anyone's eyes before. The pain was endless. Heartbroken for the second time in the past 48 hours, I watched as those eyes welled up with tears and slipped past the black, lower lashes that tried – futilely – to catch the thick drops. She didn't make a sound; she only stared at me with those unfathomable eyes. Eventually, her head rested gently on my shoulder.

"I just can't believe he's really gone." Her voice was stronger and clearer than I expected it to be.

"I couldn't save him. He was in that hospital for three days and I couldn't figure out what was wrong."

"Carlisle," she said, "It was _not_ your fault. The boy was sick. He was _dying._ You did every test at least three times; you need to stop blaming yourself."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

_Edward convulsed violently on the hospital bed in the I.C.U. He hadn't regained consciousness since we brought him the second time. Bella was sitting by his bed, holding his hand. I rushed to his side, trying to calm him down. Blood was trickling from his nose and from his mouth. Finally, after a few endless minutes he stilled. I looked at Bella alarmed. She was quiet, staring at him. I opened my mouth to speak to her, but she beat me to it._

"_I'm just happy we got to say goodbye." Her lips turned up in a sad smile. One single tear slid gently from her eye, glided across the mound of her cheek and rested gently on her top lip. She let it rest there, not moving to brush it away. It dried after a few seconds, but the tracks of the salt were still there. My stomach dropped as I looked at my son. The same as Bella, one small, bloody tear escaped his closed eyes. I watched as she brushed it away, cleaning the path from his face._

_The next two days stretched on endlessly. Every test showed nothing wrong except for one: his blood. That same blip on his file from earlier in the week showed up again. But this time it was a much larger amount, nearly 60% of his blood. I didn't understand how this could possibly be, nor did I have any idea what this liquid actually was. It seemed to be eradicating the blood remaining in his body. This was the only possible conclusion I could muster. I tried to do research on this unknown substance but found nothing on record anywhere. Finally, at my wit's end, I tried something drastic._

_I hooked up a transfusion of fresh blood and started to drain the contents of the tainted blood out of his system. At first, it appeared to be working. His fever came down a little, back to 102 degrees and I began to relax a little. He stopped bleeding as much, his face was less flushed, he was getting better. That's what I had thought at the time._

_The next morning I was feeling much more lighthearted than I had in days. I was satisfied and thankful that my unorthodox treatment was working. I went to Edward's room first to check on him. What I saw made my heart shatter into a million pieces. He was convulsing again. A nurse had already run to his side, alarmed by his erratic heart rate. She didn't know how to help. Neither did I, for that matter. I saw the streams of blood again. His right arm was turning a frightening shade of puce where the bloodletting arm had become nearly white. I rushed to take the needle from his left and then quickly turned off the transfusion pumping blood into his right. Any hope of this having any positive effect was soon gone when I saw blood start dripping from his ears, his mouth, his nose, even his eyes. My stomach turned at the sight. His heart rate was dropping too quickly. I had to stop it. I couldn't let him die._

_His eyes snapped open and I saw his back arch as he cried out in pain. His heart rate dropped further._

"_Stay with me!" I yelled at him. His eyes remained unfocused, staring blankly at the ceiling. His back arched once more and another yelp of pain slipped through his lips. The heart monitor went dead and I started to panic._

No, no, no, no,_ my head chanted over and over._

_I grabbed the paddles of the defibrillator as the nurse got the machine ready._

"_Clear!" She yelled and I pressed the paddles into his chest. He arched, the machine beeped once and then went dead. I repeated this three times with the same outcome._

"_He's gone, Doctor." The nurse whispered. She had already turned the machine off._

"_No!" I snarled. As I looked into the deadened eyes of my favorite child something in me snapped. I threw the paddles to the floor and the nurse gasped at my outrage. The heart monitor had been clicked off as well, but I didn't care. I pushed my hands over his heart again and again, only pausing to give him air. It seemed like I had done this for hours until a soft hand clutched my arm._

"_He's gone," she whispered. "There's nothing you can do. Go back to your family."_

"_He _is_ my family!" I roared. I saw her flinch. I repeated myself softly, dead, "He _is_ my family."_

_Her eyes filled with pity and she touched my dead, blood covered son, closing his eyes. She checked her watch._

"_Time of death: 6:52 am."_

"Stop blaming yourself, Carlisle." Esme whispered, bringing me back to the present. "You'll drive yourself crazy. You have a family that's suffering. They don't need you hating yourself and making everything worse."

I sighed, looking away from her. My arms dropped to my side. "Whether or not I blame myself is not going to make this process any easier."

Her lips tightened. "I'm going to check on Emmett. He hasn't come out of his room since this happened."

**…**

The next day was no easier than the last. I was met with sorrow in every pair of eyes I passed in the house. The hospital had given me time to grieve and I was left to my own devices. Esme was hiding her pain in front of us, trying to be strong, but every time I saw those eyes I fought back a shudder.

I had spent all day making funeral arrangements for my child. It was something that a father should never have to do.

The day seemed as if it would never end when I got the call. I was at my desk, looking over a patient's file, purely out of distraction. It didn't matter if I looked at it or not. None of these patients were in my care until I went back to my work. The loud shrill of the phone chiming made me jump. I grimaced, imagining it was another call from the funeral parlor or from Newman's. _How ironic that he was just there buying flowers for his girlfriend's birthday and now I'm buying him flowers for his funeral._ The phone rang again and I answered it, clearing my throat.

"Hello?"

"_Is this Doctor Carlisle Cullen?"_

"Yes. Who is this?"

"_I'm calling from the King County Medical Examiner's Office. This is about your son, Edward."_

I tightened. "Okay, go ahead." I swallowed thickly. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what they had to say.

"_Well, it seems that there's been some kind of mistake. Your son isn't dead."_

I nearly dropped the phone. My mouth went suddenly dry. "That's impossible."

"_I'm afraid it isn't. He woke up on the operating table."_

"You don't understand. I saw him die."

"_Well, with all due respect, sir, dead people don't move."_

Head swimming, I seemed unable to grasp anything he was saying. It couldn't be true. Edward couldn't be alive. I saw him die…I tried to revive him. _Things like this have happened before._ But not quite like this. Edward died of blood loss. Something was killing him.

"_Doctor Cullen?"_

"I'll come down. I need to see it myself."

"_That's the problem, sir. He attacked me and ran off. I don't know where he is."_

**…**

_Bella Swan_

When I got the call, I already knew what happened. Alice's broken sobs were almost completely incomprehensible but I knew what she was trying to tell me. The phone call and her crying were evidence enough of this.

Edward was dead.

I had known it was coming, knew it was going to be soon even, but still, the crushing agonizing pain that followed that short conversation felt like it was going to crush me. I would never see him again. As I lay down on my bed, I heard a soft knock on my door.

I didn't respond but Charlie entered anyway. His face was already tear stained and he tried in vain to smile at me.

"Hi, honey." His voice was rough with the lump forming in his throat.

My mouth wouldn't move…couldn't.

He sat on my bed and gently patted my hair. We didn't speak to each other. We didn't need to. Some things were better left unsaid. I was glad when he left some time later. I wasn't sure if it was wrong of me to want to be alone. My heart was breaking apart in my chest; my father didn't need to see that.

_He's gone. He's gone. He's gone._ _He can _never_ come back._

"God, _please_!" I sobbed to no one, burying my face into the fabric of my pillow. Curling in on myself, I tried to hold the pieces of me together. My legs tucked tight into my chest, my hands clutching the denim of my jeans. The only ounce of light in this whole situation was that he wasn't hurting anymore. I could see how much that sickness was torturing him and I shuddered at the thought. I didn't want to think about the last few days. I didn't want to remember him sick. Instead, I closed my eyes and remembered everything, the good and the bad.

_A little boy was standing next to Doctor Cullen. His eyes were far away and tortured. Being a child myself, I didn't understand his sadness. Charlie grabbed my hand gently._

"_Bells, I want you to meet someone."_

_He pulled me towards the sad little boy and I smiled at him. He looked back me shyly._

"_Bella, this is Edward. Edward, this is Bella. Now you two are going to have a good time together today while Doctor Cullen runs some errands, right?" My father gave me a stern look. I nodded back at him fervently. "Good, why don't you show him your room then, Bella? Remember to keep the door open."_

"_Okay." I grabbed his hand and dragged him up the stairs and into my room. "Do you like music?"_

_He nodded, smiling a little._

"_What kinds?"_

"_All kinds."_

_I played him my favorite song. He told me it was one of his favorites too._

"_So, why do you look so sad?" I asked him._

_He looked down. "My mom and dad died."_

_I gasped a little. There was a small moment of silence before I grabbed his hand. "I never knew my mom. I don't even know where she is."_

_He looked up and me and said, "I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be. There's nothing I can do to change it, so I don't bother worrying about it."_

_He nodded, "You're pretty smart."_

_I grinned, "You're pretty cute."_

I laughed at myself through my tears, remembering his furious blush turning redder than his wild hair.

"_Bella?" Edward asked me._

_I looked at him lying across my floor. He was studying for our English test with his books spread across the floor. I was looking over my notes on my bed._

"_Yeah?"_

_Over the summer he had turned thirteen and I couldn't help but notice how attractive he was becoming. He must have grown six inches in a matter of months. His bronze hair had grown out and was almost down to his chin. His face was looking like more of a man's and his voice had deepened as well._

"_Say I liked this girl…what would I say to her?"_

_I rolled my eyes. "You say, 'I like you.'"_

"_What if she doesn't like me back?"_

"_That's a risk you're going to have to take." I returned to looking at my notes. My heart was stinging a little and I didn't want him to notice. I had loved him for a year now._

_He seemed to be contemplating something out of the corner of my eye. Finally, he said, "You're right. I like you, Bella."_

I bit down hard on my lips, drawing blood. I didn't care. The pain in my heart was much more difficult to manage. I brought back another memory.

"_I'm sick of your shit!" I screamed._

_He was leaning against my bedroom wall, fists clenched tightly at his sides and he was staring furiously at me. "_My_ shit!? Are you kidding me!?"_

"_Oh, please! Get off your high and mighty horse, Edward. You stand there like you're the most perfect fucking person to ever live!"_

"_I am not! I don't get why this is such a big deal, Bella."_

"_Because we've been dating for six months now. God, the most we ever do is cop a feel _every now and then!_ I'm getting sick and tired of this no contact rule."_

"_Christ. 'No contact rule!' We touch each other all the goddamn time. I just think we're still too young. We're only fifteen for god's sakes. We have plenty of time. Why do you have to rush everything?"_

"_Why do you have to take everything so slowly?" I shot back._

"_That's just how I am." His voice lowered and he seemed a bit calmer._

_I sure as hell wasn't. "Exactly! I don't get why we can't just have sex and get it over with!"_

_His eyes tightened, hurt. "Get it over with? I…I wanted it to be…special." He looked down, embarrassed._

_I rolled my eyes. "You know I do too, Edward. It just seems like our relationship isn't moving. We're stagnant right now."_

_He looked up at me, his eyes suddenly burning with passion. He pushed himself off the wall and shoved me hard onto the bed. I fell flat on my back, shocked. He crawled on top of me and pushed my shirt up over my bra. Before I could even register what was happening, he kissed me furiously. Our tongues twisted around each other's and I grabbed at the button of his pants. Pulling his lips from my mouth, I felt his teeth nipping the skin on my neck before sucking on it roughly. I gasped, half in pleasure, half in pain. My hips were rubbing against his and I could feel him already ready between my legs. Finally, the buttons were undone and I slid my hand below the waist band of his jeans._

_He grabbed my hand when I found the top line of his boxers. His face appeared above mine. "I'm not going to have sex with you now. But we will have sex soon, I promise. I've just been waiting for the right time, and I don't want our first time to be after a fight."_

_I sighed, knowing he was right and pulled my hand out his grasp to wrap around his waist. "Okay. I can live with that."_

_He made good on his promise a month later and came prepared. It was silly and awkward and beautiful. It stung a bit, but it wasn't as horrible as some girls made it seem. When he finished and fell onto the bed next to me, I slept in his arms for the first time ever._

_I woke up to two very horrified gasps. Edward was staring at the door way of my bedroom in horror. I turned my face to see Charlie standing there with the same expression and felt the blood leave my face. After about a second, Charlie turned scarlet and turned his face away from us._

"_Bella, I think you should get dressed and come downstairs. Edward, I think you should probably go home now." Charlie sounded like someone was strangling him and quickly shut the door. We got dressed in silence, only ever exchanging cringes of embarrassment. When he was standing by the kitchen door, ready to leave, he leaned over and kissed my cheek very gently._

"_Call me after. Tell me what he says."_

"_Okay."_

_He left._

"_Bella?" Charlie called._

_I walked into the living room and found him sitting rigidly on the couch._

"_I'm sorry you had to see that, dad," I muttered, looking down._

"_Well, as horrible as that was, I'm glad I did. This was a conversation I'd been putting off for a while now, purely out of embarrassment. But I can see I'm too late." His faced flushed yet again. "I want to make sure you two are being safe. You're so young, Bella. I wouldn't want you to end up pregnant before you're ready."_

_I sighed, relieved. "Yes, don't worry, we were being safe."_

"_How long have you two…been…?"_

"_Today." It was my turn to blush._

_His shoulders relaxed, but his face was still a little troubled. "You're so young, Bells; both of you. I can't believe I'm being so calm about this." He laughed. "I always imagined myself chasing the boys off with my handgun, but Edward is a good kid. I know he's not going to take advantage of you like that. That's what I really care about."_

_I smiled and kissed his head, agreeing. I dashed up stairs to call Edward._

I gasped for breath. We had so many things planned. We were going to apply to all the same colleges. We knew what kind of house we wanted to live in. We knew _where_ we wanted to live. We knew how many kids we wanted, what their names were going to be. We knew what animals we were going to have. My whole future, my whole life…was gone. It was over. I had made a promise to him before he died. I promised I would be okay. It was easy to say that at the time with him sitting right next to me alive. I shook my head.

"I'm not going to be okay." I muttered. "Edward, I'm not going to be okay without you."

"Then don't be."

I shot up from my bed and whirled around. I squinted towards a dark shape in the corner of my room. My heart was pounding in my chest and I began to open my mouth to scream when the figure took one step forward out of the shadow and into the moonlight. His reddish brown hair was messier than ever, his skin was paler than usual, but his face was exactly the same as it always had been…possibly even more beautiful. But his eyes, his eyes were darker and not the usual green I loved. In the darkness I couldn't see the color but I decided it didn't matter. He was _here!_

His face lit up in a heartbreakingly beautiful crooked smile.

"Edward?"

**A/N:** SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL, GUYS! Hold onto your seats for this cliffhanger. XD So, this chapter was absolutely heartbreaking to write. I hope you guys are okay when you finish reading this, haha. Thanks for reading and as always, please feel free to review. :)

-MWW


	7. Followed

**Disclaimer: I own no part of The Twilight Saga or any of its characters. All rights are reserved to the author, Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N:** Sorry I didn't update on Tuesday, it was my boyfriend's and my two year anniversary and I decided that he was more important :3 Also, I've been playing a shit ton of Minecraft and not writing…so, I'm sorry. So anyway, here is the next chapter. I had some writers block with this one. I wasn't really sure exactly how it should play out, but hopefully it came out okay. Enjoy.

Chapter Song: Wake Up – Awolnation

**Chapter 7: Followed**

_Jasper Hale_

I was an idiot. I didn't think this would happen. I thought she had better control of herself. I should have known better. But she was my sister…I trusted her. To be completely honest, I had no excuse. I could feel how thirsty she was. That coupled with my own thirst, I was getting antsy myself. It had been days since the last time we had anything to drink. It was becoming almost unbearable.

"Come on. This is getting ridiculous, Jasper." Rosalie was sitting cross-legged on the wet cement. Her blonde hair was tangled and her usual blue eyes had turned a deep crimson with her thirst. I grimaced at her.

"We have to be more careful. They're already keeping a close eye on us."

"Fuck them. We need to eat." She was on her feet in an instant.

"They're sending us blood bags tomorrow." I muttered.

"Those things are disgusting."

I knew she was right and I decided against saying anything, not wanting to encourage her further. Instead, I glanced around the small storm cellar we had inhabited. The upstairs had been abandoned when we found this place a few years ago. It was better than living in a sewer. I wished we could bathe though. The dirt and grime covering us was enough to turn my stomach. She seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"I wish there was a way to turn the water on."

"I know, but we have to stay inconspicuous. Maybe we can take a trip down to the river later," I said. I was hoping to distract her from the dry sting in her throat. It worked a little.

Her face brightened significantly, "Okay." And then the subject returned yet again, "Maybe we could take a trip into the city while we're at it."

"No, Rosalie."

"No one would know. People get murdered in the city all the time."

I sighed. I wanted to eat just as badly as she did, but I didn't want to take any more chances. "I thought we decided we didn't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"I can't take it, Jasper. I can't…I can't stand it. It's getting horrible. People need to eat. I've lost so much weight and so have you. We can't just stop eating. "

"We're not people anymore, Rosalie. We're dead." My eyes tightened. I flipped the card in my hand and placed it down in front of me.

"Stop saying that! We breathe and talk and walk around."

"But we don't _need_ to do any of those things."

"It doesn't matter. Just because we're…_different_ now doesn't mean that we're dead." She sat down next to me.

I changed the subject yet again. "I thought you said you would play cards with me."

"You're playing solitaire." She hissed.

I grabbed the cards off the ground and shuffled them, giving her a pointed look.

"Fine." She grumbled.

We played a few games and she finally seemed to forget about our growling stomachs. It was much easier to focus on other things when she was feeling better. I was finally able to convince her to go the river with me without feeding as well.

"The sun went down two hours ago," she said after a while. "We can go now."

"Okay. No funny business."

She grimaced but nodded.

When we arrived, Rosalie was practically bouncing with excitement. I guess I should have noticed something was wrong then, but I didn't. Her happiness was infectious.

"I want to go first," she said as we stood on the edge of the riverbed.

"Alight, fine. But don't take too long." I walked off and hid behind the trees to give her some privacy. After about ten minutes, I realized she had left. I couldn't hear her splashing in the water anymore and she wasn't answering when I called out to her. I knew what she had done almost as soon as I noticed she was gone. My heart – had it been beating – would have been grinding against my ribs. It didn't take me long to find her; I follower her sent. She was in Port Angeles sucking on some poor person's blood. I tackled her off of him, throwing her against a wall. She clawed at my face before realizing it was me.

"Rosalie!" I hissed at her, "What the fuck are you thinking!?"

"I – fuck – I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, I saw him and…." She was sobbing. I could feel her disgust rolling off of her waves. "Jasper, I'm sorry."

"It's too late to be sorry. Is he dead?" I was furious with her. She betrayed my trust and I wanted to strangle her, even though it wouldn't do any good.

The man turned his head to look at her and I realized with a start that he was only a boy. Sixteen or seventeen, his youthful face filled with pain and his glassy eyes filled with fear. I tightened up in horror and Rosalie gasped. She hadn't realized that she hadn't killed him. His eyes slid shut once more, and his heart stuttered in response to the poison filling his blood stream.

"Should I…?" she asked me, wondering on whether or not she should kill him.

"No. It's too late. It's already started." This situation couldn't get any worse.

She gasped again, her eyes filling with tears.

He rolled over against the wall behind him and pressed his face against it. He must have been burning up.

"We have to get him out of here." I said. My sister had drained so much of his blood that the transformation wouldn't take long.

"Edward?" A man called in the distance. I saw him scanning the area and he looked as if he couldn't have been older than the boy lying on the ground in front of me. I knew we had to leave; a missing person's case wouldn't look good on our record.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself before turning to my sister, "Never mind, we'll come back for him when it's over. He's lost a lot of blood. It shouldn't be that long. Come on, Rosalie." I grabbed her arm and we rushed off into the darkness at inhuman speed. We made it back to our little underground home and I turned on her in a rage. "How could you do this to us!? What if they get wind of what happened, Rose!?"

"I'm sick of starving to death, Jasper! I'm not doing this anymore…I can't….This is just _horrible_." She was still crying, her large blue eyes filled with tears.

I shook my head. "What you did to that boy was horrible."

"What you did to _me_ was horrible." Rosalie whipped at her eyes and glared at me.

"I had no choice. You know that. They would have killed you. You knew too much."

"I would have rather they did kill me."

I swallowed back the bile, and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" She demanded, tugging on my arm.

"To keep tabs on that boy. He'll be one of us soon."

She sighed. "I wish you just let me finish the job."

"I won't let you kill anyone else. We've killed enough people." I didn't wait for her to respond. I left her in our dirty basement and ran off to try to find that boy. I followed him to the hospital, expecting him to die rather quickly. Sitting in that waiting room was hell, so many humans taunting me with their blood. When the boy collapsed, I was sure that was the end, but somehow that blonde haired man saved him. He brought him back to life and pumped him up with fresh, untainted blood. I was sure he couldn't have understood why that had worked. He couldn't possibly realize that the red haired boy had tainted blood. I found this interesting, yet disconcerting. How long did he give the boy to live? Over the next few days, I followed his every move. He had gone home from the hospital and I realized that the blonde haired man must have been his father. Remorse filled me with the thought of this. This man was going to see his son die.

Eventually, the boy I learned was called Edward began to grow sicker and sicker. Towards the end of the transformation he lost consciousness completely, only regaining it in the last seconds of his life. They transferred him to the morgue for a biopsy. They wanted to know what had happened to him. I couldn't let this happen, so I rushed to the morgue alone. In the trees, I waited for him alone…until Rosalie found me.

"Jasper," she sighed next to me and I clenched my fists. "You could have at least let me help you. This is my mess after all."

"Yeah. It is. I figured if I let you help you'd botch it up." I knew I was being mean, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was still so angry with her.

"You don't have to be an asshole, Jaz." He arms folded over her chest and she glared at me. I knew she was trying to hide the hurt she felt at my words. I thought this was silly. She knew I could feel what she was feeling.

"Whatever, Rosalie. Just please let me do this alone."

"I just don't under –"

A man screamed from inside the morgue and I realized that I had missed my opportunity. Edward had already woken up.

"Shit! See!?"

Her face became stoic and she cursed. "What do we do?"

"We catch the little fucker. He can't go roaming around like that!"

She nodded and together we dashed off to find him.

**A/N: **I know this chapter was short. I'm sorry :s But I felt that this was a good place to end it. Next chapter is Edward's point of view and I wanted you to see how everything played out in his head, because it's his story and he deserves to tell it. I hoped you liked it and I hope it was worth the wait!

-MWW


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